Four Little Words
by Saavik13
Summary: Reunion fic. Rose is back and all's well, at least as far as the Doctor is concerned. Only problem is, he doesn't have the full story. Can the Doctor deal with reality when it hits? Four little words will change it all. Warning: Not a fluffy story
1. Memory's a Fickle Thing

It had taken him a while to figure it out, what the TARDIS had been up to. It was so simple really. Donna had just complicated things a bit. The huon energy in Donna's body had caused the TARDIS to yank her into the Consol Room. But, the TARDIS had done it intentionally, not accidentally as he'd originally thought. Only problem was, the good old girl had bad aim. She was trying for Rose. Huon energy being what made the TARDIS and the Vortex, well the TARDIS and the Vortex, Rose was teaming with it after Satellite 5.

The Doctor had of course figured this out; it had only taken him a while. He'd also had to make absolute sure that the TARDIS had been correct in her self-done calculations and that it could be accomplished without universes imploding. A long while he'd mussed and calculated and plotted, but being a Time Lord did have a few advantages. Finding another gap in the void had been a bit more challenging. That had taken quite a bit more than a while to accomplish. In the end, they'd stumbled on it, him and the TARDIS. He didn't even have to press a leaver; the ship had done all the work for him.

Of course as luck would have it, Rose had tumbled onto the deck without warning, dripping wet from a shower and clutching a pink bath scrunchy for dear life without even a stitch. Then the lights had gone out in the TARDIS and the Doctor and Rose had to feel their way back to her room to find some kind of clothing. The TARDIS had drifted lifeless in space for nearly a week before she'd managed to scrounge up enough energy that the Doctor could limp her along to the nearest star for a recharge. He and Rose had spent a very long week, at least they assumed it was a week, bit hard to tell in a Time Machine, in the dark, hungry, without even a working bathroom. The TARDIS had been quite upset with the chaos they'd made tripping over things, foraging around for food, and other little inevitable messes in the four rooms they could actually get to.

At first he thought Rose might be angry. After all, he'd not asked if she wanted to come back. Rose had laughed when he'd hesitantly asked her if she was going to slap him. She'd tried to smack his arm playfully, but missed and got his head in the dark and they'd laughed all the harder. When the TARDIS was finally operational, and everything was put back right again, the Doctor had tried once again to take her to Barcelona. They'd ended up on a world even he didn't have a name for fighting some sort of six tongued creature that liked to eat TARDIS's. Since they were in such short supply, the thing was _very_ hungry and rather persistent.

After that, the good Doctor had decided they'd best go back to Earth and clean up the little werewolf problem in the British royal line and let Rose clean out the flat she'd shared with her mum. It was a pretty depressing trip and Rose had a hard time packing her old - old life up in one of the storage rooms in the TARDIS. She did miss her mum, Mickey, her little brother, and her father. But she wouldn't say that to the Doctor, however, and they reached a sort of silent accord. He wouldn't question her about why she wanted to stay with him and she wouldn't ask why he brought her back. They just boxed up everything, shoved it in a room, and promptly went back to saving various and sundry planets on a nearly daily basis.

They'd run into a few problems along the way, nothing to serious, at least not in the Doctor's opinion. That was until he went to find Rose a few TARDIS like weeks after they'd dispatched a telepathic ugly bent on stealing Time Lord tech from an abandoned outpost near Saturn. Things had been unusually slow since and the Doctor was thinking it might be a good time for him and Rose to try and take a little trip to that ever so elusive Barcelona again. He hadn't seen a lot of Rose since they'd dispatched the creature, whose name they never did bother to find out.

He finally tracked her down after searching for quite some time, the TARDIS stubbornly refusing to help. Rose was in her room hanging some clothes away in her closet, when he came up behind her. He was only reaching out to tap her on the shoulder but she screamed and jerked away from him, and ended up huddled in the corner of the closet behind an absurd dress she'd worn to a party on Ceti 4 ages ago.

The Doctor stood there dumb founded for a moment. Rose pulled her self back together and started to climb out of the closet, making a joke about it all. Only the laugher didn't reach her eyes and the Doctor knew something else was wrong, something big.

"Rose?" His voice was soft and he followed her as she walked around the bed towards the door, "Rose, what's wrong?"

She was crying now and the Doctor's hearts sank. He knew this was it. She was going to yell at him for ripping her away without even a goodbye. He jumped a little in surprise when she turned and launched herself at him, grabbing him tight around his middle and sobbing into his chest. "Gah?" He asked wordlessly as she clutched him tighter.

"You don't remember any of it do you?" Rose asked, her voice small and muffled through the fabric of his coat. "None of it? You're not just pretending it didn't happen to make me feel better or to go on like we always do." The last part wasn't a question.

The Doctor wasn't sure what she was talking about, so to buy some time he hugged her back and rested his chin on the top of her head. "Ah...not pretending no." He answered slowly, trying to remember what it was he could have forgotten. Rose started crying harder and the Doctor cringed. Had he done something...then it came to him. That telepathic thief. There'd been a few hours where he'd been under the control of that thing. He thought he'd spent the time repairing some of the tech the creature was after, but what if that was just a planted memory?

"Did I do something to hurt you, Rose?" She stiffened in his arms and started to pull away but he held onto her, giving her a tiny shake to try and make her look at him. "Talk to me, Rose. What happened?" His voice sounded a little desperate to his own ears. "I can't just forget things, Time Lords don't have that option. If I've forgotten events, then I could have effected times lines." Time Lords have excellent memories for a reason. He'd only ever forgotten, truly forgotten, something when he'd been forced to in order to preserve Time – like if he met a future him.

"No." Her voice was hard and she still wouldn't look up at him, tears dripping down her cheeks. "You were accounted for the entire time, Doctor. It's probably best you don't remember." She again tried to move away, wiping at her face to dry the tears.

The Doctor shook his head no and guided her to sit down on the bed and she winced. "Rose, whatever it is I need to know." She tried again to break his hold on her arm and he squeezed tighter. Something dark flitted over her face, something like fear and he let her go. She quickly stood up and walked to the far corner of the room before sliding down to sit on the floor there. He tried again. "You don't like it when I hide things from you."

She snorted angrily. "Never stops you does it?" He gave a cheeky grin but stopped short when he saw her visibly flinch.

"I..." She stopped. "I don't want you to know." She took a deep breath and finally made eye contact and the Doctor could see her fear and confusion in her eyes. He thought for a moment about simply reading her mind, but he got the impression she wouldn't forgive him that, not after whatever it is that had happened. He was starting to realize her absence from the control room lately must have been deliberate. She'd been avoiding him. He slid off the bed and sat cross legged in front of her, their knees touching and reached out to hold both her hands.

"It can't be that bad. Come on, Rose girl. Tell the old Doctor, he can take it."

Rose shook her head again, her hair falling in front of her eyes. "Not this you can't. I've tried to follow your rules, Doctor. I have tried."

"Rose?" He squeezed her hands. "Whatever it is, I'm not going to be mad at you." He shrugged.

She snorted again. "Oh, don't count on that. This isn't exactly like the time I eat the last of the banana cereal." The Doctor made a face of mock indignation and a small tiny smile managed to flitter across Rose's face.

The Doctor just kept smiling at her, waiting for her to go on. After what seemed like an eternity she lowered her head and started to talk.

"I always try and watch the line, yeah know? The one we've got. Done a pretty good job I think, except at the beach, at Bad Wolf Bay. But that was excusable." The Doctor swallowed hard, starting to get an idea of where this might be headed. Never the less he held tight to her hands, not saying a word. "I don't let myself think about it really, being here's enough." She looked up briefly to catch his eye and he nodded at her to go on. "That...thing that was trying to take the stuff off the base? Yeah, well, he didn't need me to think about it to know it." She sniffled a small bit and took one hand away to wipe at her nose. "He got into my head, saw everything, stuff I don't even let myself think about when I'm awake. Everything." The Doctor ignored the snot and took her hand again.

"Oh, Rose."

She shrugged. "That wouldn't be so bad, after all you killed him. Not like he can go spreading my secrets around." She gave a short harsh laugh and the Doctor suppressed a shiver. "No, he didn't just take it, Doctor, he used it." She looked up again, eyes hard and dark. "He didn't just want the tech your people left behind. He wanted to become a Time Lord and he figured if 'e could break you, make you suffer enough, you'd let him in on the secret to the Time Vortex to make it stop."

The Doctor froze. "How could your memories..."

She shook her head. "Not my memories, but my dreams, my fears, all of it. He figured that the easiest way to hurt you was to hurt me. He couldn't get into your head like he could mine, but he could control you. So he got into mine, figured out what he could do to make you hurt the worst." Her voice broke and she looked back down. "So I haven't said anything. I don't want him to win. If I tell you, he'll win." She shuddered and pulled her hands away, wrapping them around her legs and drawing them up to hide her face. "He figured out how to make you hurt the most, by making you hurt me. 'cause that's what he saw in my head. That you are terrified of hurting me."

The Doctor's blood turned to ice. "Rose," His voice was harsh and he knew it, but he also knew Rose would understand it wasn't directed at her. "Rose." She finally looked up at him, eyes tearing up again. "What did he make me do?"

She sobbed again and backed further into the corner when he reached out for her. She shook her head and held one hand up, asking for a moment to compose herself again. By the look of it, it was taking all she had. "I'm over that, Doctor. You startled me, that's all. I'll get over it..." She drew a shaky breath. "It's the other part I'm not doing so well with."

He cocked his head to the side and his mouth started to open, about to tell her again that it couldn't be that bad, when her tiny voice, muffled by her knees squeaked out four little words. "What?"

"I said," Her voice was a little louder, but far from steady. "I think I'm pregnant."


	2. Comformation

The Doctor was prepared for just about anything to come out of Rose's mouth, including lightening, drunken leprechauns, declarations of undying love for the lost Mickey or even Jack, but nothing in all his 900 and so years had prepared him for what did come out.

He sat there in shock as she buried her head further into her knees, crying louder now and he couldn't think of single thing to say. It wasn't often he was speechless, in any regeneration, but especially not this one. He took a deep breath and tried to block out the sound of Rose falling to pieces in the corner. He had to think. She still hadn't told him what had happened. There were a hundred, no a thousand things that could explain her being pregnant, if she even was. She only said she thought she was... The Doctor shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He had to know _exactly_ what happened.

He stood up and reached down, pulling Rose up to her feet, mostly gently. He held tight onto her arm, in case she decided to make a run for it, which seemed likely as she kept eyeing the door from under her hair. With his free hand he raised her chin.

"Right. So, we might be gaining a third passenger. TARDIS would like that. Been a while for the old girl since she had a little one to entertain." His voice was bouncy again, if somewhat forced, and he gave her his trademark impish grin. The ship gave a somewhat larger hum. Rose just blinked at him. "The only thing is," His voice turned deadly serious again, " I'd really like to know the rest of it, Rose."

She gapped open mouthed for a moment. "You aren't going to kick me out?"

Now he gapped at her, dropping both his hands and sitting down hard on the bed. He ran his hand through his hair again, standing it up on end before starting to rub the back of his neck. "Why would I do that? I mean, whoever's the father can't be that..." He trailed off as he saw the look on her face. "Oh." He stood back up. "You mean?"

Rose nodded solemnly and did her best to look like she could handle his reaction. The Doctor drew a shaky breath. He wanted to scream or cry or something but he knew Rose really wouldn't take that well at the moment. "Ah, please," He started to pace the room, "please tell me how that happened, 'cause I'd hope I'd remember that."

-

Rose didn't make a sound, just looked at him and he sighed. "How about we double check first then, alright? See if you're right." He held out his hand and waited a full minute before she took it. "We'll discuss the rest later." She nodded slowly and let him lead her out of her room and towards the med bay.

The TARDIS was annoyingly quiet as they walked. The Doctor could feel the ship, hovering, just beyond his awareness. The TARDIS had of course witnessed whatever had happened. He wished, not for the first time, that there was a way to actually talk to her. Their symbiotic relationship was pleasant, and he wouldn't trade it for the universe, but at times like these it would be nice to have a simple video playback option.

Rose sat down on one of the beds, a little stiffly, and he patted her knee and gave her smile. She tried to return it, but it looked more like a grimace. The test didn't take long. As soon as he turned on the scanner it started spitting information at him. Rose was defiantly pregnant. He stared down and the swirling Gallifreyan script in shock. She'd told him, but he didn't believe. The child was….part Gallifreyan. He tapped the scanner a bit, just to be sure but the reading didn't change. She was a little less than a month gone. He sat the scanner down and hopped up on the bed next to her, shoulder to shoulder, and ran his hand through his hair.

She didn't say anything, just reached for his hand and they both sat there for a long time trying to absorb it. He didn't tell her what it said. Didn't need to. Eventually, Rose let her head fall to his shoulder and he rested his against her's.

"You gonna be okay, Doctor?"

He jumped at little at the break in silence and had to catch himself to keep from falling of the bed. Rose chuckled softly at him, but didn't meet his eyes.

"Course I'm going to be alright!" His eyes were huge. "I'm not the one having the baby. I don't even remember making the baby!" He frowned. "Rather I did, actually. Seems a bit of a bad start this. How are we going to explain this to the little guy?"

Rose shrugged and hopped off the bed. "Got time enough to figure that part out. I was more worried about how to explain this to you." She still didn't make eye contact. "I thought…" She trailed off to rally her courage and finally looked up. "I thought you'd tell me we'd have to get rid of it, or drop me off somewhere with a 'it's for your own good, Rose'."

The Doctor frowned. "Of course I wouldn't do that! That's preposterous." He implosively pulled her into a hug. "I risked imploding two universes to get you back, Rose Tyler. I'm not dumping you on some space rock because you're going to have my baby!" He let her go far enough she could see the grin spread across his face. "I'm going to be dad again! Been a good long time." He frowned slightly. "I never did like nappies. We'll have to find someone to take care of that for us." His eyes sort of rolled back in his head a bit as he started making calculations and plans. Their lifestyle really didn't leave a lot of room for parenting. Couldn't really change the lifestyle either. They'd have to find someone or something as a sort of a nanny… It took him a moment to realize that Rose wasn't really saying anything.

He looked back down at her and realized she looked a bit like she'd been hit by a concussion blast. Wordlessly, he turned her around and marched her to the kitchen and set her down at the table. A cup of tea shortly found itself planted in her hands and he sat down opposite her with one of his own.

"Right. Now that I think I've started to convince you I'm not mad about this, why don't we start to discuss how you feel about it." He waited for her to say something but she just sipped her tea and played with a spot on the table with her index finger. "Rose, how we handle this has a lot do with what you want." He frowned. "Do you want to have the baby?" He held his breath. He couldn't…he wouldn't be able to…

She looked up at that and he could see she was conflicted. "Doctor…" She sighed and fiddled with the handle of her cup. "I don't know. I don't know what to think." She took a large drink of tea and set the cup down harder than necessary. "I mean, it'd be one thing if this was an accident or something!" She glared at the table. "Oh, no. I can't get knocked up after a night of drinks or something normal. Nope. Rose Tyler gets in a bad way because some creepy alien possess her best friend and makes him rape her."

The Doctor visibly cringed but Rose kept going.

"Do you know the worst part?" She was at least looking at him and yelling, he thought, as her voice took on a distinctively Jackie like quality. "I didn't realize it wasn't you at first."

He cringed again but forced himself to keep looking at her. She was shaking and clearly angry, but he got the impression it was more at herself than at him.

"Stupid ape that I am, I didn't question why you'd walk into my room in the middle of the TARDIS night. Didn't think about why the ship was freaking out, blinking lights and all sorts of things. Nope. I just asked you what was wrong and let you climb into the bed next to me. Figured you'd had another bad dream."

That hadn't happened in this body- yet. Last time around, though, he'd been woken by Rose more than once. He'd tried to sleep as little as possible, but when it got to be too much he'd go to bed only to fall into the fires of Gallifrey's destruction. Rose would hear him cry out and she'd go to him. Wake him up. Make him talk about it, just enough to get the worst off his chest. Then he'd frown and make rude comments when Rose would make him shove over. She never left him alone after one of the dreams. She always insisted she sleep next to him. More often than not it was a good thing. Saved her the trouble of walking down the hall an hour later when the same thing happened again. Eventually he'd even sought her out if for some reason she'd slept through it.

"Rose, it wasn't your fault." He sounded resigned to his own ears. "There was no reason for you to be…suspicious." He sighed and twirled his own cup. "If I hadn't already killed the bastard, I'd find a more painful way."

Rose smiled slightly and shook her head no. "Nah. Not you, Doctor. You'd still try an' keep it clean." Something told him Rose might not have. "Anyway, what's done is done. I'm just going to have to learn to live with it."

The Doctor's hearts gave a heavy thump. "Is it so bad?" He asked in a small voice. "The idea of having a baby with me?"

Rose's eyes widened. "NO! Of course that's not a bad idea!" She pulled her chair around the table and leaned into him a bit, bumping his shoulder. "That's not a bad thing, Doctor. Sort of feel a bit like Eve or something." He smiled back a tiny bit. He hadn't thought about that. The child would be a continuation of his people, however small. "I'd have…" Rose paused and her cheeks turned a deep pink. "I'd have volunteered to do it if you'd ever wanted it."

"Really?" He didn't mean to squeak when that came out. Rose just nodded again and he hugged her with one arm. "Wouldn't have thought of it, honestly." Rose raised an eyebrow and the Doctor grinned. "My people haven't had offspring in the 'traditional' fashion for a millennia. We grew 'em adult on contraptions called looms. Without the loom, never really considered it a possibility." The Doctor shook his head. "I was one of the last to be born the old fashioned way." He pointed at his chest. "Technically, I'm not really 100 alien. Half human. But the Gallifreyan DNA's dominate enough it doesn't really matter. Sort of takes over from all other genetic material. Can't tell a difference between me and the real thing, honestly."

Rose looked a little surprised but didn't ask questions. He was glad. He wasn't quite ready to tell her about the rules the Time Lords had, all because of his parents. Didn't need to frighten her by telling her he came from a long line of trouble makers.

"So what will this all be like then? Must have been a reason your people stopped…" she trailed off and thought about what to call it. "Doing it the traditional way." She shrugged.

The Doctor smirked. "To messy for them. They wanted to skip all the emotional involvement and go right to the genetic matches, the planned breedings, very clinical." He frowned. "I had a son, you know. And a Granddaughter." He smiled sadly. "Susan was remarkable. Her father, well, he was a bit too much like the others. Looming meant I didn't get to raise him. But I got to take Susan traveling with me. She ended up more of a rebel then me. Married and never went back. Would have lived a normal life, like a human, if it hadn't been for the time war."

"You don't talk about her much."

"Don't talk about anyone much." The Doctor pulled on his ear. "Thing is, once someone leaves, I sort of try not to. Temptations to great to get them back. Only they leave for a reason, so I'd have to get them before that happens or they'd just go away again."

"Which would mess up the timeline."

The Doctor gave her the grin that said clearly that she'd gotten it. "Susan…" He paused. "Do wish you could have met her. Exactly opposite to me really. Wanted a quiet life. She didn't care much for the Time Lords. Only came with me so she could find somewhere else, where there wouldn't be paradoxes to fix and anomalies to monitor. The whole genetic pairings thing got her in a right fit too. Of course, they did try to make her give a genetic sample to the looms so they could mate her with this daft little thing that was already well past his prime. She said she'd rather have her children with a goat. Left her in 22nd century Earth. That was over 800 years ago."

Rose looked a little shocked at how long it had been, but she knew how old he was. He just never talked about it without joking. She'd met Sarah-Jane. Heard him hint at Ace and even a few others, but nothing so far back.

He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "To answer your question, I don't know how this will work. I'd assume like any normal human pregnancy. My mother didn't seem to have a problem. At least not one they ever bothered to tell me about." He smirked. "Strange childhood really. Kept meeting myself when I'd come home from university. Never could get the timing right."

Rose just shook her head. "Rather explains things a bit then. Insane since birth."

"Hey now!" The Doctor wagged a finger at her. "I wasn't a Time Lord yet, I'll have you know. Takes two centuries of school to learn to drive a TARDIS properly."

"Drop out early then?" She stuck her tongue out of her teeth and the Doctor laughed.

"Rose Tyler, backseat TARDIS driver."


	3. Phase One Planning

They stayed in the kitchen for a while, joking around. He kept trying to rub her belly and she kept dodging him. He finally cornered her by the sink and she turned the sprayer on him. He'd looked like a drowned puppy and eventually she relented. After that, the seriousness sort of hit them both again and he walked her back to her room and told her to rest for a bit. She glared at him and told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn't fragile. He whole heartedly agreed, but wanted her to take it easy anyway. He needed to check on a few things and unless she'd suddenly developed the ability to read Gallifreyan she wouldn't be much help.

She'd huffed, but eventually relented and plopped down on the bed, pulling out a battered copy of some trashy fantasy novel that the doctor suspected had less to do with unicorns and more to do with racy bedroom encounters.

He went straight to the library. Rose was right, there might be differences. The TARDIS lead him right to the book he needed, thankfully, and he flipped through the index and found his own name. There'd been quite a few case studies over his conception, birth, and development. He scanned the articles quickly and, satisfied he'd been correct, snapped the book closed hard enough he started coughing from the dust wave that emitted from the pages. He could have sworn the damn ship laughed.

He sat down heavily in his chair and stared at the wall. Rose was pregnant. Admittedly, the idea was rather appealing if not the circumstances. That however, was going to be the problem. It really was a bit like the looms. This child's parents weren't going to be married or madly in love, or any of that. He'd been lucky. His parent's had actually cared about each other, had wanted to create a little combination of themselves to send out into the universe. Most of the time the Looms were operated on a schedule and a plan with very little interaction between donors. He hated looms.

Of course, he'd also had a childhood. That had been rather awkward. Half a dozen children across all of Gallifrey, and not always in his own timeline. He'd spent most of his younger days hiding behind his mother's skirts while the adults looked down their noses at his family. For a society that existed with no real concept of living inside one time, how do you explain someone, or two someone's, aging? It had been a sensation at first, then an inconvenient reality. It reminded them of what the rest of the universe was like. A reminder the Gallifreyans weren't too happy about having around. His mother had died quickly enough for them. She was merely a blip on their screen. Human lifespan, even extended as much as Time Lord technology could, was still a blink of an eye for the average Gallifreyan. He, on the hand, had remained.

Of course, at the rate he burned through regenerations, they'd been hopeful. Granted, when his second body failed to age the way the first had, instead behaving like a pureblooded Gallifreyan model, they'd been rather cross.

None of that mattered now of course. There was no council to punish him for his evolvement with Rose. No one to scoff at his child or to belittle them. As far as he was concerned, the little one wouldn't ever have to know what life would have been like for it before the Time War. No reason to tell Rose either. She'd probably already figured most of it out anyway, but no reason to fill in any lingering blanks.

The Doctor stood up and looked around the library again. He didn't have any children's books. No Dr. Spock or the alien equivalents. He could count on one hand the number of babies he'd held, including Margret the egg. Well, if Rose's pregnancy was like his mother's they have time to figure it all out. His mother had been pregnant for over two years, in her timeline. The Doctor winced. What he considered a minor difference from a 'normal' human pregnancy would probably make Rose homicidal.

There was also the little matter of the child's conception to worry about. Rose still hadn't given him all the details, although he could well imagine them. The telepath had forced his way into control of the Doctor's body. Used Rose's innate trust and concern for the Doctor to gain entry to her room and her bed. She'd probably snuggled up to him like she use to, maybe even rested her head on his chest like she'd been known to do.

What had the not-him done? Had he started out pretending it was seduction? Had he turned to her and smiled, reached out and caressed her face? Had he kissed her? Did he make her think...did he make her think it was finally going to happen? Then hurt her. Forced her. Turned it into a nightmare instead of a dream?

The Doctor hadn't forgotten what Rose had said. She'd talked about the line that was between them, the one marked with large 'Do Not Cross' signs. He'd carefully planted those way back in his previous regeneration. She'd made it pretty clear over the years that she'd be more than happy to tear those signs down, but she'd never set one toe over them, except when they'd been forced to say goodbye. At the time, the lines he'd forged really hadn't meant much considering the rather large and real one that stood between them.

As soon as she'd made it back to this universe the Doctor had pretended it never happened. He was glad she was back, she was glad to be back. Enough for both of them. They didn't talk about. They just found a happy medium and went back to the status quo. Oh Rose was a little more mature than before. She didn't wear nearly as much pink. She'd let her hair go back to a more natural shade of blonde. They hadn't tried to bait any world leaders into saying catch phrases. Rose was more confident, less likely to look to him for reassurance or answers. She was her own woman, no longer a girl on the edge of adulthood. He'd begun to think she really meant to stay forever, or at least her forever. She certainly didn't appear to making any 'real world' plans like pervious companions had. She didn't talk about houses and picket fences. She didn't get moon-eyed over men they'd met. She didn't stare longingly at baby strollers. Instead, she started to ask about what repairs he did on the TARDIS. She'd asked him to teach her a bit more about temporal mechanics. She'd been preparing for a life with him.

The Doctor gently fingered the trim of a table cloth and frowned. What if the not-him hadn't raped her? Now there was almost a bigger problem. He could imagine it, how horrible Rose would find it if the not-him had managed the entire encounter without giving it away. What if the not-him had made love to her? Given her the perfect night? Then, when she was lying there happy and smiling at him, the not-him had told her the truth. He could almost see his own face twisted into a sadistic grin, see the horror in her eyes.

She'd said the not-him had wanted to force him to hurt her. The other had figured out that that would be the way to break him. The Doctor frowned harder. He really wished he'd found out the creatures name before he'd killed him. The semantics were getting complicated. Anyway, it really didn't matter. The man/thing/it was dead. No longer a danger.

But like most things, the damage still remained.

The Doctor looked up quickly as he sensed Rose in the doorway. She was putting on a brave front and carrying what looked like a lunch tray.

"Thought you might need something to eat. You've been in here for hours."

He shrugged but followed her to a table and took a sandwich and glass of juice. She mirrored him and sat down to eat.

"So," She chewed her food and swallowed, "find anything interesting?"

He nodded. "It appears that the only significant difference is likely to be the gestation period."

"English?" Rose stuck her tongue between her teeth and the Doctor couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Possibly two years or more instead of nine months." He waited. She didn't look too concerned but a small frown did eventually appear.

"Might be a bit inconvenient, depending on how it works out. I mean, if I'm going to be as huge as house for over a year it'll interfere with us saving the universe and all." She giggled. "Don't think I could manage to run for my life through swamps and back alleys carrying several stone extra on my front."

The Doctor didn't find it funny. "I've considered that problem. I think the best course of action may be to take a little vacation."

Rose almost spit out her juice. "You mean park the TARDIS and pretend we're normal?" The Doctor nodded and Rose snorted. "Never work. I mean, we don't exactly go looking for trouble, it just seems to find us. We settle on some nice quite world somewhere we're likely to end up in the middle of an invasion, a civil war, and a pandemic all at the same time."

"I resent that. I don't always end up in situations like that." Rose raised an eyebrow and he copied her before giving up. "Alright. I concede, that's not really a viable option. I was thinking more along the lines of simply drifting. I can refuel the TARDIS and as long as we don't do a lot of time travel she can stay fully charged in the Vortex for, oh, around 10 years your time."

"I am not staying cooped up in here with a bored Time Lord for 10 years." Rose's tone wasn't one to allow for negation. "I give you three days before you start bouncing off walls and end up flying out an airlock."

"Not thinking that long." The Doctor mumbled. "I figured we wait until you started to have a little trouble getting around. Then, I'd take her into the Vortex and we'd wait it out." He smiled and reached for her hand. "Not exactly how I'd planned to introduce the idea, but I've had it as a back up plan for some time.."

"Wha?" Rose asked, having taken another bite of her lunch.

The Doctor looked sheepish. "I..." He coughed and let go of her hand. "I thought someday, I might need to...plan for when you...were older."

Understanding dawned and Rose gapped at him. "You mean, you were planning on just stopping what you were doing and hanging around the Vortex waitin' for me to die?"

"No, not like that!" The Doctor tugged on his ear. "Just, well, someday I know you won't...be able to keep up." He fiddled with the table cloth again. "I don't think I could leave you behind, though. And you would never agree to just stay in the TARDIS."

Rose eyed him carefully. "You need to promise me something, Doctor." She tapped him on the arm, forcing him to look her in the eye. "If it gets to the point I can't keep up, either you do dump me off somewhere or you make it clear that I can't do it anymore. When it comes to that, assuming I live that long, I'll have to admit my limitations. I'm not going to ask you to give up your life in some kind of prolonged death watch. I'm likely to loose the ability to keep up long before I'm dead, we don't exactly lead a lifestyle conducive to people in middle age even." Rose sighed. "I'll have to learn how to stay behind, that's all. Not like I couldn't still be of use, even if I can't run for my life at break neck pace, swing from chains, and sleep on prison floors without getting overly stiff."

The Doctor nodded and she continued. "Besides, this baby's going to change all that anyway. One of us will have to stay behind to make sure it's okay. Can't have both of us off and captured for two or three days. It'd starve."

The Doctor smirked. "That, I have covered. We'll have to pick up another traveler, a sort of live in sitter."

Rose eyed him suspiciously. "And where pray tell do you plan to find someone crazy enough to do that?"

"I was thinking K9."

Rose's jaw dropped.


	4. Phase Two Plotting

A/N: If the conversation seems a little random, remember that when two people are uncomfortable they tend to wander in topic a small bit. Next chapter will contain Rose's memories of what happened.

"K-9?" Rose's voice sounded strained to the Doctor. "Are you drugged!" She shook her head violently from side to side. "No, no, no ,no, no! No way. Sarah'd kill you for taking that thing away from her, and…" She paused and a puzzled look crossed her face. "It doesn't have arms. How's it supposed to change a nappie without arms? Blast it off with the nose laser?"

The Doctor smirked. "I wasn't planning on taking the Mark IV from Sarah-Jane. I was thinking I'd build a new one, with retractable arms." He patted Rose on the head as he stood up from the table. "I've got enough spare parts lying around."

Rose swatted his hand away and stood up to face him. "Not happening." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared. "I realize this is a bit unexpected, but there's got to be a better option. I mean, there's an entire universe out there and we've got a time machine. Can't we just find some kind of galactic au pair or something?"

"Why?" The Doctor was honestly confused. K-9 was loyal and always followed orders. It really did sound like a prefect solution for him. Plus, wasn't every human child supposed to have a dog? When he said as much Rose let out a frustrated howl and walked out of the room, waving her arms in the air and muttering 'alien bloody freak' under her breath. The Doctor stared after her for a moment before deciding it must be the hormones.

He finished his sandwich and took the tray back to the kitchen. He found Rose there, banging dishes around attempting to turn washing up into some kind of a one sided battle. He stood in the doorway, just out of her sight, and watched for a moment. It was…domestic. A small part of him realized that watching his best friend take out her frustration on the dishes rather than his head wasn't exactly the most sentimental of things that could cause this epiphany, but he ignored it. The important part was when did this happen? When did he and Rose start doing DOMESTIC!

Oh, his companions always tended to cook and clean for him. He held no illusions that a few of them had thought that was the reason he took them traveling, Jack in particular. It was a side benefit, one he wasn't afraid to acknowledge. Rose had once even asked him if she was earning her keep by picking up his little trails of objects and what-nots. He'd joked with her about it and she said she didn't mind. She'd said she liked looking after him. She'd said it was obvious no one else would and he needed someone to do something for him for a change. She'd said it wasn't fair that he had to save the universe and then wash his own socks.

Maybe that was the difference. The others only cooked or cleaned because if they didn't no one would. The TARDIS would keep the place dust free and the like, but she drew the line at getting the dirty laundry off your bedroom floor. So if a companion wanted to see him in a fresh shirt, they'd better wash and iron him one, not to mention do the dishes, cook, mop, that sort of thing. Otherwise, they'd have to learn to live with the dirt because he didn't have the time to do anything about it and he frankly didn't care. Respiratory bypass systems were a definite advantage.

Something about Rose and the dishes this time, however, struck him as different. He remembered his mother doing just the same cookery genocide when she was mad. She'd bang pots around in the kitchen until he was sure they'd be so dented as to be useless. She'd fuss and rant and kick things, but she'd always do it where she thought no one would see. Was that a human female thing? Romana would have just told him off to his face. In fact, Rose use to tell him off quite nicely. When exactly had she started the pan abuse instead?

The answer was obvious. Since she'd come back from the other universe. He'd told himself she'd grown up. She'd learned responsibility. She'd become her own person. Now, now he thought she might have done something else too. Maybe, for Rose, coming back meant something more than a good time and an exciting trip?

The Doctor backed out of the doorway and fled down the hall, tray forgotten in his hand. He didn't stop till he reached his room. He set the tray down on the desk and collapsed heavily on his bed. That was the truth of it. Rose didn't have anywhere else to go. She was dead in her own time and wouldn't fit anywhere else. All she had was him. She couldn't afford to risk angering him to much, making him too upset. So she was taking it out on the pots. Rose was afraid he'd dump her on some space rock and never look back. She'd known better, once. Perhaps it was just the knowledge that now, well now she didn't have anyone to go home to if either of them got tired of their current arrangement. It reminded him too much of another woman he'd known, so very long ago.

The Doctor reached under the bed and pulled out an old wooden box. From inside he took out a crumpled photograph. The woman smiling up at him was long gone – nearly a millennium dead in his timeline. His mother. He traced her face with a finger and sighed. She'd taken quite a lot out on her pots for much the same reason. His father, the great Time Lord, had lowered himself to marry her and she wasn't about to risk ruining it with petty frustrations and arguments. She'd go so far, stop, glare, and stalk off to abuse the cooking utensils. The Doctor smiled a bit. That's what domestic meant to him, cookware maltreatment. It was silly really. There'd been a lot more to his parents' relationship than that little tiny passive aggressive argument style, but for some reason it resonated with him – always had.

He was getting sentimental in his old age. Here Rose was, in his kitchen, upset for so many good reasons, and he was hiding in his room wondering when he'd turned into his father.

He put the photo back in the box, closed it, and set it on the bed. Right then. Only one thing to really do about it. Rose couldn't actually be that upset about the idea of K-9. It was a good idea, if a little unconventional. Rose was use to unconventional, so this had to be something else. The Doctor frowned as he stood up. Could be a lot of something else's. His reaction to all this was probably a bit flippant to Rose. She'd expected him to be upset and he'd appeared to be more like elated. The circumstances sounding all this were still a bit fuzzy to him, after all, so they didn't seem as personal, as horrific and he'd tried to hide his own revulsion at what had happened for her sake. She seemed to be taking it all rather well herself come to think of it, but he knew how easy it was to hide one's feelings. His 9th self could have written books on it and it looked like this 10th body had a good start on the sequels.

The question was, should he let Rose get on with it? Let her deal in whatever way she needed to? Or should he try and make her talk about it. He winced. Talking was a good idea, but to him? He really was the problem after all.

He was just about to head for the console room to plot a course to Sarah-Jane's, thinking maybe she could talk to Rose – there really wasn't a lot of other options since Jack probably wouldn't be terrible sympathetic to her predicament and a rape counselor really wasn't a viable alternative and he wasn't even going to suggest Martha– when he heard a soft knock on the doorframe. He turned, and Rose was standing sheepishly a foot outside his door.

"I think we need to talk." She sounded small and frightened and the Doctor just nodded and motioned for her to come in. She hesitated.

He rubbed the back of his neck and couldn't help but look a little contrite. "Oh, right. Uhm, would you like to talk somewhere else? Maybe the library?" He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck again. "Probably not where you'd like to be right now." He gestured vaguely in the direction of his bed.

Rose shrugged and stepped inside. "Doesn't matter. Didn't happen here anyway." She sat down on the foot of the bed at little stiffly at first and left the desk chair for him. "Good memories here," she frowned slightly and visibly relaxed a fraction, "well, let's just say neutral ones."

The Doctor nodded. She'd stayed with him through enough nightmares here, with his 9th body. While certainly not happy memories, they wouldn't be bad ones for her, and oddly they weren't all that bad for him either. "What would you like to talk about?" He sat down slowly in the empty desk chair.

Rose looked down at her hands and played with the edge of her t-shirt. "I'm sorry I got upset earlier." She looked up and the Doctor smiled at her, nodding for her to continue. "Thing is, you seem to be taking all this in stride. I mean, you find out what happened, that we're going to be parents, and you just start plotting and planning! There's no adjustment time, no real questions, no self pity. You just jump right in and act like none of it bothers you." She sighed in frustration and flopped backward on the bed, covering her eyes with her hands and letting out another muffled scream of frustration. "How the bloody hell do you do it?"

The Doctor took a chance and stood up, then dropped down by her side, lying next to her on his back like they had a hundred times outside the TARDIS on the grass of some planet or another. "It does bother me, quite a bit actually. But I'm in crisis mode." He turned his head to look at her and she lowered her hands, her eyes showing her curiosity. "Rose, how do we do any of the things we do?" He smiled at her. "We just muddle through, don't stop to think about it, action action action."

Rose shook her head. "This is different. I mean, normally we have a crisis that lasts for at most a day or two. This is going to last the rest of our lives!"

The Doctor's smile froze. "Hadn't thought of that." He shrugged. "Still, doesn't change anything does it?" He reached out tentatively to take her hand. "Rose, I don't like how this has happened. In fact, if I could I'd undo it because this is not fair to you." He squeezed her hand. "All I wanted when I brought you back here was to have my best friend back."

"You've got me, Doctor. I'm not going anywhere." She gave a bright smile. "You can't get rid of me easily, Doctor."

"No," He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "no, I can't." He looked into her eyes for a long moment. "Rose?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

He sighed. "How are you really doing?"

Her smiled faded and she lowered her eyes away from his. "I'm okay. I'm always okay."

"That's not an answer when I give it. It certainly won't work for you." He pulled her chin over, making her look at him. "Rose, you have to talk to somebody about it, sometime."

She closed her eyes and her body stiffened. "I don't want to."

"You need to. Look, I'll take us wherever you want to go, whenever. Name the person and we can go."

Rose snapped her eyes open. "Who would I talk to? You're all I have, Doctor." She took a deep breath. "You're all I really want to have." The Doctor simply looked at her and she gave a small shiver. "You're my best friend. Who else would I talk to about something like this?"

"Your mother." The Doctor turned onto his side to face Rose, letting go of her chin. "You should be able to talk to your mother but I ruined that for you."

Rose shook her head. "If you'd been able to ask me, I'd have said to do it, to bring me back anyway possible. Might have put a few clothes on first and toweled off, but I'd have come. Even if I couldn't have said goodbye." Rose scooted closer to him and let him hold her, her face against his neck. "Mum knew I'd come back if I ever got the chance. We'd talked about it. She knew if I disappeared one day it would be because I found a way back here. She understands, probably better than most." Rose sighed into his neck and hugged him closer to her. "I wouldn't trade this for anything, Doctor. No matter what's happened or will happen. I'm glad I'm here, I'm glad to be with you."

The Doctor drew in a shaky breath, smelling Rose's shampoo and a hint of the dish soap she'd been using. "I suppose I just expected you to be more…"

"You expected me to be a basket case."

"Well, most people would be." The Doctor drew back enough to look at her. "And most people wouldn't want to be in the same room with me right now." Let alone cuddled up with him, but he didn't say that.

Rose looked away at the ceiling and chewed a bit on her bottom lip. "I know. It's strange, I guess. Talking to you about it, telling you what happened, I guess that alone helped." She looked back at him for just a second before looking away again. "I feel like I should be a mess, like I'm supposed to be a blubbering sobbing insane wreck."

"But you aren't." The Doctor closed his own eyes for a moment before opening them up to stare at the same spot on the ceiling. "And that makes you feel guilty somehow, like you're broken because you don't feel the way you think others would expect." He knew that feeling well.

"yeah." Rose nodded. "I'm not…" She cringed. "I'm not broken, but I'm not exactly unaffected. I mean, if you came up behind me like you did earlier and startled me, I'd jump. I'm still on edge. But…" She wiggled a little and freed her arm that had gotten trapped underneath her when they cuddled up and used it to prop herself up on her elbow. "But the thing is, I know it wasn't you. Maybe having been through the whole Cassandra-possession makes it easier for me to understand that. I don't know. It wasn't you." Rose tapped her left hand a few times against her leg and screwed her nose up in thought. "I mean, a part of me is just sitting here in disbelief that I can just accept that. It's the small tiny part that keeps saying I don't belong out here, that I'm just some dumb shop girl from a council estate. I don't listen to that part of me much, Doctor, not anymore. She's not a very encouraging person." Rose gave a small smile and the Doctor nodded.

"I think we've all got one of those in the back of our heads somewhere. Best to ignore them and hope they go away." He grinned and chuckled quietly.

"Guessing they don't if you've still got one." Rose reached out and ruffled his hair, standing it even more up on end.

"I have hope." The Doctor caught her hand. "Rose, you shouldn't have to feel guilty for not feeling something. You've been through a lot over the last few years." He paused and held her gaze. "You aren't the same shop girl that left with a stranger in a blue box for a quick jaunt through space and time to be home again in time for tea. You've faced death, and Dalek's, you've seen the best and the worst the universe has to offer." The Doctor gave a grim, resigned smile. "You can't be expected to react to situations as if you were." He propped himself up on his own elbow to match her, their hands still linked and lying over both their hips. "I am surprised you are copping so well with all of this, I can't say I would if our positions were reversed."

Rose gave a tiny shrug and squeezed his hand. "I hate to say this, but what that thing did…" she paused and her eyes took on a darker color, remembering past pains. "It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me." She looked back at the Doctor and saw the guilt on his face. "Nothing to do with traveling with you, Doctor. I lived through Jimmy Stone, after all. He was worse. He hurt me all the time and he was supposed to be protecting me, caring for me. No, having some evil megalomaniac rape me isn't nearly as bad as somebody I trusted."

The Doctor's jaw tightened. "I had no idea it was so bad."

Rose let go of his hand and tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ear before flipping over onto her stomach and kicking her feet up into the air behind her. She fiddled with the bed cover and made a non-committal noise in the back of her throat. "I was different then. Didn't know myself yet, young and stupid. Mum warned me he was no good. I should have listened." She pulled at a string hard and unraveled the tread till she had a piece to play with. "You'd never guess I was such a push over back then, not if I didn't tell you. No way I'd let a bloke do that to me now." She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "I put up with a lot, Doctor. I'll never put up with that kind of thing again. I have too much self-respect now."

"You shouldn't have to." The Doctor eyed her carefully. "He was abusive, I take it."

Rose snorted. "To put it mildly. Dinner wasn't ready, I'd get hit. Washing wasn't folded the way he wanted, I'd get a swift kick and few slaps. I told him I wasn't in the mood, well, you can guess the rest. Lived that way for nearly a year before I woke up one morning and asked myself what the hell I was doing." Rose yanked hard on the string and it broke. "I realized I was acting like one of those battered women my friends and I use to laugh at on TV. Took me a while to accept that I was." Rose glared at the broken string. "You wouldn't have recognized me back then."

"Everyone has their bad times." The Doctor really didn't know what to say so he just lay back down on his back and put his hands under his head, bumping into Rose's shoulder slightly as he shifted. "None of that changes what happened last month."

"No." Rose let her legs fall and the bed gave a bounce. "It doesn't, but it does give it a different perspective." She flipped back over in one move, copying the Doctor's position. "As soon as I realized it wasn't you, I started to fight. He got into my mind pretty quick, forced me to lie still, otherwise you'd probably still be bruised." The Doctor didn't dare interrupt. "I figured out what was happening, knew that thing had to have managed to get on board somehow and had control of you." She sighed. "I was honestly more worried about you than I was me. Then he started to explain his plan." Rose gave a dark chuckle. "Why do they always have to explain the plan? I mean, it'd be so much harder to defeat them if they just kept it to themselves? I never would have figured out what he was up to if he hadn't told me." Rose gave another deep sigh. "I guess you want the full story."

The Doctor copied her sigh. "Can you understand why? Think about what it would have been like for you to know Cassandra had your body but no idea what she did when she was in it? As bad as it was to watch and not be able to stop anything, knowing is always better than not." Rose nodded but didn't say anything and the Doctor hesitated before softly continuing. "There's a way I can know without you having to tell me out loud." Rose looked at him questioningly and he tapped his temple. "I can see it in your mind. You'd have the choice to be there with me, to relive it – or I can simply see it while you are…elsewhere." He held his breath and watched the myriad emotions flit across Rose's face.

"I…" She paused and she turned a deep shade of red. "You'd go through it all from my perspective, right?" He nodded. "So you'd feel everything…" The Doctor nodded again and Rose went pale. "No, I can't…I…that would be…"

"Embarrassing?" The Doctor finished for her and turned again onto his side and took her hands, pulling her over to face him. "Rose, I'm not going to judge you. It's just…" The Doctor's voice broke and he felt a tear slide down his face. "I can't stop thinking of what you must have gone through. And I don't remember any of it!" He blinked a few times and tried to steady his voice. "You can rationalize what happened, say you know it wasn't me, but it was me. I was there, even if I didn't know what was happening. I did, whatever it is I did, and I can't atone for it if I don't even know what it was!" He was openly crying now and Rose was starting to cry as well. "I need to know, Rose. I need to know." He took a shuddering breath. "That thing wanted to break me, what you don't understand is that by protecting me from what happened, it will. The things I can imagine, trust me I can imagine a lot. I can't…" his voice failed again. "I can't…"

"You were violated too." Rose's voice was equally rough and she sounded a little surprised. "I didn't really think about it like that." The Doctor nodded silently and Rose swallowed the bile rising in her throat. "Alright. But I want to be there too. I won't make you go through it all alone while I'm hiding in the corner somewhere thinking about pretty flowers or something." She gripped his hands tightly. "I guess we are in this together, after all."


	5. The Bitter Cold

_A/N: This was an especially difficult chapter to write. I wanted to show why Rose was taking this all the way she was and find a balance that allowed the experience to be horrifying but not crippling. This is part of the explanation. Rose and the Doctor still have a lot to discuss, however, in the next chapter._

In it together. The Doctor nodded. Yes, they were in it together, up to their eyeballs as usual. Rose was looking at him expectantly and his hearts missed a beat in trepidation. The Doctor closed his eyes. "Rose, you don't want to go through this again." He opened them to find her determined face inches from his.

"I've already been through it a hundred times. Every time I close my eyes. Every time I'm not busy doing something else. One more time through it isn't going to make a difference." She eyed him carefully and the Doctor mentally shrunk back from the determination in her eyes. "If you're planning on doing it, Doctor, I'd suggest you go for it. This is a one time offer."

The Doctor released her hands and gently laid two fingers on her temple. "Are you sure?" She didn't answer him back, just glared, and he closed his eyes. It took only a moment to slip into her mind with the barest of contacts. It was Rose, his Rose and it felt oddly like coming home. He sent a mental query into her mind, asking for permission to go further, do more than just touch her mentally. Her mind answered without hesitation, almost pulling him in with something like eagerness.

"Doctor?" Rose's voice called to him, made him suddenly aware of distinct thoughts rather than the overwhelming sensation of ROSE he'd become lost in. He felt his mind shrinking down, narrowing to single mental projection inside her mind, forming a coherent projection of himself. When he came to full awareness they were standing in a stifling blackness, surrounded by nothingness on all sides, only Rose and a strange warmth that emanated from the nowhere and everywhere, bathing their forms in golden light without a source. "What happened? Where are we?" She walked towards him slowly and took his hand, her eyes large and bright against the darkness.

"This is your mind, Rose." The Doctor looked around, honestly a bit confused. "At least, part of it. Every sentient creature interprets telepathy differently. You're creating this, our physical forms in your mind, because it's the only way you can interpret my mental projection."

Rose looked up at him and blinked. "Right. So we're not really here and I'm not really holding your hand."

"yup." He popped the p and bounced a little onto his toes. "What I don't get is why it's just us." He squeezed her hand tightly. "Normally when I'm in a human's mind it's all chaos and floating memories, pandemonium really. Never seen a blank room before, at least not with a human mind."

Rose blushed. "I always joked my mind didn't work like everyone else."

The Doctor chuckled. "Well, it is your mind so I suppose it can look however you want it to, although my guess is this is your version of a front parlor. Everything else is probably off somewhere in the distance, safe from casual inspection. You've had the TARDIS and I messing about on the edges of you mind enough this might be your version of a natural defense." The Doctor chuckled. "Quite effective, actually. This would block any causal scan a telepath might do and you'd notice anything deeper." He grinned at her and tugged a bit on his ear with his free hand. "Would you care to give me tour? I could go poking about myself and eventually get where we want to go, but if you guide me I'm less likely to wonder into someplace you'd rather I not be. I don't want to invade your privacy any more than necessary." He quelled his desire to do just that, to curl up in a contented ball in her mind, warm and safe and for once not alone. He could stay here forever, he thought sadly, the darkness an odd comfort rather than a threat and the golden light a gentle lullaby. He got the vague impression Rose might not mind that much either and for some reason that vaguely disturbed him. She couldn't be as alone as he was, could she?

Rose smirked, oblivious to the Doctor's inner discomfort. "Okay, so all this is my mind making up stuff it can interpret, right?" The Doctor nodded and plastered a large grin on his face, with some effort. "Kind of like the Matrix movie, then. I think it and it happens." Rose's forehead scrunched. "Well, we want my memories right?"

"That would rather be the point." He smiled for real as he said it and Rose rolled her eyes.

"File room then."

"File room?" The Doctor blinked at her and had to force his feet to move when Rose took of across the blackness headed for something only she could see, tugging him along by their joined hands. "Rose, you have a file room in your head?"

"My head, Doctor. Why shouldn't it have a file room?" Rose's tone was light, but the Doctor detected a hint of defensiveness. Suddenly, out of nowhere a long almost endless row of file cabinets appeared. "They should be roughly chronological."

"How's that work for time travel then?" The Doctor started towards the first cabinet and noticed it was labeled clearly as Rose's pre-school years and decorated with large sloppy finger paint drawings taped to the sides.

Rose huffed and crossed her arms, dropping his hand. "It all still happens in order." She closed her eyes for a moment and the file cabinets shifted, moving past them at great speed till suddenly stopping with a bang. "Try the fourth cabinet down, the dark grey one with the police tape on it."

The Doctor walked slowly up to the cabinet. It didn't have a label, just the disquieting yellow tape and the dark paint. Rose's voice sounded forced when she finally spoke. "Top drawer's off limits. It's from before I met you. Third drawer down's probably what we want, it's most recent." Rose moved beside him and took his hand and ranked the drawer open with her other causing a grinding metal sound and what looked suspiciously like sparks.

The darkness shimmered away and so did their projected forms. Instantly,. he was inside Rose's memory, his awareness of self dimming slightly and mingling with her inside the confines of the memory. Oddly, he still felt her hand is his, even without the physical projections.

"Rose, are you alright?" His voice echoed in the all consuming darkness that had suddenly enveloped them, thick and black and oddly clinging.

"Yeah, I'm still here, Doctor." Rose's voice was slightly stronger than his and seemed to come from all around him.

The sound of a door broke the silence and then there was light. It took a moment for the Doctor to adjust. He was literally seeing through Rose's eyes as she opened them and blinked against the sudden light invading her sleep. He could feel the covers on the bed against his skin as she shifted to get a clearer view of her bedroom door and the shadowing figure in it. "Doctor?" He felt the words leave his throat but heard Rose's voice. There was a slight squeeze to his mental hand, not the physical one he was feeling in the memory as the real Rose let him know they had the right memory.

The figure didn't say anything in response, but stepped further into the room. It was odd, looking at oneself through another's eyes. The Doctor mentally cringed at his appearance in Rose's memory. His suit was crumpled and his hair was sticking up at strange angles. His face was oddly blank and his eyes seemed to be having trouble focusing. He felt memory-Rose's sudden wash of compassion as she assumed he'd had a nightmare. He felt her thoughts start trying to figure out how to sooth him and wondering why it had taken so long for this to happen since his regeneration, debating what could have triggered it, hoping it wasn't something she'd done. He also felt her guilt laden pleasure that he trusted her enough to seek her out and her quickly shut down anticipation of what she new would be a night lying next to him. As his body came fully into the room, the TARDIS started making a loud keening sound and the lights started to flicker madly, the Cloister Bell tolling like a death knell in the background.

He felt memory-Rose's eyes go large and felt her take a sharp breath in, pushing all her previous concerns out the window in favor of the new threat, whatever it was. "Doctor, what's wrong, what's happening?" He felt memory-Rose's body start producing adrenaline as she jumped out of bed, hands already reaching for yesterday's clothing to pull it on. She looked down sharply as his hand grabbed her wrist and a jolt of shock flew through her body, half fear half something else.

"Doctor?" He could feel Rose's worry for him in her mind, both in memory and currently. "Doctor, are you feeling alright?" She reached out with her free hand to run a hand through his hair trying to tame it. It was odd, to touch himself like that, to see the familiar gesture from Rose's perspective. There was a wisp of emotion attached to the action, a longing for more and a sadness that made his hearts clench. He could feel the real Rose cringe as the memory of her emotion was shared and sent a gentle squeeze back through her 'mental' hand. He understood, oh he understood all to well.

The mood took a sudden and violent turn as his not-self moved, quick as lightening. He felt her fear as his body shoved her down. He felt her trepidation as she stared into the blank eyes. He could sense her indecision, her unwanted physical response to his proximity and her growing panic as the realization that this was not her Doctor set in. She started to fight, arms and legs twisting, fingers clawing at him. There was a stabbing pain in her head and suddenly the memory shifted. The physical sensations of her body withdrew to a distant vague awareness as not-him reached into her mind and the focus of the memory altered.

It was cold. The creature's mind projected a deep unending winter and he felt Rose's mental shiver, again both in memory and the present. He could vaguely feel her body stop its struggle at the creatures command, but all of Memory-Rose's attention had been focused on the cold presence in her mind, not the assault on her physical self.

"What are you?" Her memory-voice was hard, her fear squashed to the back of her mind. "What do you want and where's the Doctor?"

A laugh pierced the cold darkness, low and bitter. "Rose Tyler, human girl, foolishly traveling the stars. What I want is beyond you; you are simply a way to end."

"Whatever you want from us, you won't get it." Memory-Rose's voice was almost as cold as the creature's mind. "Get out."

The laugh again shattered the darkness and the Doctor felt memory-Rose's acknowledgment of his body's violation of her and her quick disregard of it as unimportant next to what was currently happening in her head. He felt her push the awareness to the background, her full wrath directed not at what was attaching her physically but at the unwelcome mental presence. He felt her revulsion more at the mind in contact with her than anything his body was doing. Her thoughts were crisp and oddly clear as she tried to process what was happening, attempting to find a way out of the situation, for both of them. "I said, get out!" He felt her mind give a hard shove to the creature and felt a rush of satisfaction as the creature howled in pain.

"You little…" the thing's voice growled low, "You have a bite, don't you?" The creature set a wave of mental power into memory-Rose's mind and the Doctor felt like his synapses were on fire, his scream echoing along side that of the memory-Rose. "You mangy little human. You don't have the power to fight me!" Again, a mental blast of icy raw power surged through Rose, ripping at her mind like a whole series of knives. The Doctor couldn't believe it when he felt memory-Rose's answering snarl despite the agonizing pain and a golden light disrupted the darkness.

"You have no idea of my power." Memory-Rose was in a cold rage and the Doctor could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. "You have no idea what I'm cable of, creature. What is it you want from us?" He could feel Rose, the real Rose still holding onto him, living the memory with him and he drew comfort from her presence at the same time fearful of what the golden light might mean, of what this all might mean.

The creature shoved back at the golden light, darkness battling for dominance against the warmth that was Rose. Memory-Rose held her ground, ignoring what was happening to her body instead fighting the battle in her mind. The creature finally backed off, slowly, banking down his power, unsure of what he was up against.

"I want what the Time Lord has." The creature spoke carefully, attempting to both intimidate and perhaps bargain. "I want the knowledge of the Vortex and the secrets his people amassed. They did not rule Time by chance, human. They were not the only ones to want that power; they simply won the battle for it. Now they are gone and others must rise to take their place."

"Nature abhors a vacuum." Memory-Rose's voice sounded causal but the Doctor could feel her starting to form a plan, although for some reason he couldn't grasp what it was. He realized with a start that memory-Rose was hiding it from the creature, not letting it to the front of her mind, purposefully dividing herself so the creature was aware of one aspect of her consciousness but not the rest. It shouldn't have been possible for an untrained human. He had to force himself to pay attention to what the creature was saying rather than what Rose was doing. "But what makes you think you're the one to start all this?" Memory-Rose sounded rather condescending to his ears. "What makes you think you could handle the Vortex?" The Doctor could feel the golden light pooling, just out of reach, just beyond the darkness, unseen and growing. There was a distinctive hint of smugness in memory-Rose's tone, a reminder that she once had done just that.

The creature again snarled. "It does not matter, at least not to you, human. The Time Lord has what I want, but his mind is not as open as yours. All I can do is control him, fool him into seeing what is not there. But I see your dreams, Rose." He drew the name out like a vile caress. "I see what you want from the Doctor, what you need from him. Don't you want to feel it, what he's like? This might be your only chance. And you've thought about so often." There was a sharp pain and the Doctor realized that Rose's shoulder had just been bitten, hard. "I might even be nice and take requests. After all, this doesn't have to be bad for you, pawn." The creature's tone was positively depraved and the Doctor felt memory-Rose's sudden urge to vomit. Behind it, however, was a teeny tiny mostly hidden smidgen of temptation and a half forgotten layer of fantasy. With a shock, the Doctor realized that the bite to her shoulder had come from that fantasy rather than the despicable creature's debased mind.

Memory-Rose kept a tight rein on her anger, both at herself and the creature. "Just what is this accomplishing? So what, I'm attracted to the Doctor. Doesn't matter, can't get you anything."

"Oh but it will." Another sharp pain as the creature used the Doctor's hands to violently pin her arms bruising her wrists even though her body wasn't resisting, evidently another element from her fantasies if the shiver through both real and memory-Rose was anything to go by. "I see everything in your mind, Rose, every twisted wicked little desire. And I see the Doctor's greatest fear." The Doctor could feel the creature's mental sneer. "He could save the universe and loose you." The dark laugh again echoed in Rose's mind. "He fears only your loss and your pain, never his own. So I will give him both. He will bring you pain and you will leave him for it – either unable to bare the memories of his body's betrayal or unable to stand not having it repeated. He will be broken, his spirit crushed, knowing that it was all his doing. The Destroyer of Worlds will have destroyed what he loves most for a second time. When the Doctor is unable to stand the thought of living one more moment after having hurt his Rose, he will be mine to control and he will give me what I want in return for a swift end to his miserable existence."

Rose's fury was bright in the darkness, her anger only out shown by her palpable desire to protect her Doctor. "You think this will make me leave him?" Her own bitter dark laugher hurled out like a weapon, striking the creatures mind. "You may have found the Doctor's weakness, creature, but you didn't seem to bother to find mine. Everyone just loves to underestimate the human." Suddenly, the golden light expanded and with an almighty scream Rose slammed all her strength at the creature's mind, shoving him out of her head.

The Doctor was confused for a moment; all was silent as the golden light blinked out and the freezing presence of the creature was gone as if it had never been there.

"I passed out." Rose was suddenly standing in front of him, their mental projections back in place, the memory over. The golden warmth was back, suffusing through his mind like the rays from a sun. "Whatever I did to push him out of my mind made me loose consciousness." Rose shrugged. "Next thing I knew the TARDIS was dark as hell and the Cloister bell's going off even louder." Rose was still holding his hand, the Doctor noticed and he squeezed it. He was shaking and his knees felt like they might not hold him up for long. She gave him a small smile. "I jumped up, threw on some clothes and ran into the console room just in time to see you fry the bastard with some of the TARDIS wiring you hadn't gotten around to fixing."

The Doctor nodded. "Whatever you did must have weakened him. I'd been fighting his control for quite a while, but it wasn't till that moment I was able to actually push him out of my mind and into his body enough that I could actually fight him physically. The TARDIS was more than happy to help." The Doctor couldn't take it a moment longer and pulled her closer into a tight hug. "Rose, you saved me again!" He pulled back and grinned at her. "You are amazing."

"That's right, and don't you forget it." She poked him in the chest. "We get out of my head now, yeah? I'm a little tired of having things poking about in here." She shivered violently and the Doctor could feel her nervousness, her fear of what he'd seen and felt inside her memory.

The Doctor let her go and stepped back. "I think you can have whatever you want, Rose. You've earned it a thousand times over." His voice was shaky and he cupped the side of her face gently, wiping a half shed tear away from the corner of her eye. The girl was trying so hard to seem unaffected; he wouldn't stick around and make it harder for her. He started to withdraw from her mind, but not before he caught a wave of sadness and regret from Rose along with the faintest hint of lingering gold.


	6. A Right Pickle

_A/N: I'm playing a little fast and loose with the Doctor's past in this fic, as well as the history of the TARDIS. The USA doesn't get reliable Doctor Who, especially the old episodes so I'm having to rely on memory of what I saw when I was 4 along with the wonders of Wikipedia. Chalk any inconsistencies with canon up to creative license._

He opened his eyes to find Rose silently crying and curled up to him as close as she could get. He brought his fingers down away from her temple, but he could still feel hints of her emotions lingering like ghosts on the air. The effect would last a while, his mind more attuned to hers after their brief contact, their current physical proximity adding to the phenomena.

Rose was frightened and not willing to admit it, but he didn't need to be able to feel her emotions to know that. Her hands were fisted in his jacket and her eyes tightly closed, desperately trying to keep herself together. She'd been calm in her mind while they'd relieved the memory, but now that the immediate threat was gone the enormity of it all was hitting her full force. It hadn't even been a full 12 hours since she'd first confessed to him what had happened. It was a lot for one little human brain to process. She was tired and scared and embarrassed — the Doctor could feel a hundred different emotions swirling around her and he gave her a tiny little mental push, for her own good, just enough to allow her to stop fighting it and let go. She was safe now, there was no reason to be brave anymore. Seconds later her breath started becoming shallow and rapid, small tiny chocking noises were beginning to come from the back of her throat.

"Rose?" He stroked the back of her hair and sat up against the headboard of the bed, pulling her into his lap and holding her tightly. "Rose, it's alright. It's over."

"No!" Rose sobbed harder. "No it's not over!" She slapped ineffectually at his chest and then scratched him accidentally as she clenched her fist in his shirt. "The damn thing was right!" She buried her face in his underarm, her voice muffled. The Doctor could feel her fear and guilt swarming around them like a storm. "I can't do this, Doctor. I can't pretend anymore. He forced us across that line and now that I've stepped over it…" Rose's voice cracked and she cried even harder. "I've ruined it for us, Doctor."

The Doctor tilted his head to rest on top of hers. "Rose, we will get through this. I don't know how yet, but we will." He closed his eyes and mentally sent her comfort, the knowledge that he cared too much for her to let her go it alone. She gasped as his emotions washed over her and he squeezed her just a little tighter. "I never finished saying it, did I?" He sighed into her hair and let his natural impulse to nuzzle into the blond strands take over. "Rose Tyler, I do love you." He was crying now too, his tears soaking into her hair. "I just, there are rules, Rose. I can't…"

He couldn't finish the sentence. It took him several minutes of just holding onto her to notice she'd stopped crying herself. He eventually opened his eyes and pulled away enough she could turn her head to look at him. Her eyes were red and her makeup had run down her face, likely stained his jacket in the process. He didn't care. 

"You aren't mad at me?" Rose's voice was almost tiny and she raised a hand shakily to rest on his cheek. "You aren't mad at what I…felt?"

He let his eyes drift shut and leaned ever so softly into her hand. "Oh, Rose. I'm not mad at you. I…" He felt another round of tears start forming in his eyes. This body seemed prune to tears all of a sudden. "I'd change it if I could. You know that right? I'd be what you want me to be, if I could."

"I know." Rose wiped his tears away with her hand and he opened his eyes to find her smiling sadly at him. "I think you just told me." She ran her hand through his hair and laid her head to rest on his chest and sighed. "What a mess."

The Doctor nodded in agreement. Yes, what a mess. He was the last of the Time Lords and he couldn't break one of their foolish rules now that they weren't even here to punish him. He couldn't risk it even though they were gone and he so desperately wanted too. Rose was pregnant and in love with him and he couldn't do anything about either of those problems. He'd been taken over by a melodramatic megalomaniac and Rose was….Rose was still glowing golden in her mind damnit!

He didn't want to think about this right now. None of it. He just wanted to lay right where he was, when he was, and hold Rose. He wanted to forget what had happened to them. He wanted to forget what was going to happen to them. He wanted to forget what he was and what she was. He just wanted to forget.

He wasn't sure how it happened, that they fell asleep curled around one another like that. The TARDIS was singing in his mind and Rose's emotions where whirling around him like heavy perfume, a hypnotic mind drug if there was one. It must not have been a long sleep, he noted without humor as he woke up. Rose was mumbling in her sleep, drooling just a tiny bit on his shirt, still clutching at his clothes as if to hold on for dear life. He clutched her tighter and she let out a soft whimper of protest.

What the hell was he going to do?

The Doctor sighed and shifted a bit to get blood back into Rose-hampered limbs. At least he now knew what had happened. In a way, it was almost the best of all possible scenarios, at least as far as you could say there was a 'good' scenario for this whole mess. Rose had been so focused on the mental attack she'd barely noticed the physical one. His body hadn't really hurt her, which was good. The creature hadn't caused any lasting mental damage, he'd made sure to check that while they'd been in her mind. And despite Rose's fearful claim that the creature had seen her entire mind, the Doctor doubted it — from what he'd seen her 'front parlor' seemed to have stopped the creature rather effectively, allowing him only glimpses of surface thoughts, wisps of emotions and dreams Rose hadn't been able to fully control. Had the creature been able to truly ravage her mind, things would have been much worse, for them both. It hadn't figured out that Rose had carried the Time Vortex, for instance. It also didn't seem to understand much about the relationship he and Rose shared. Honestly, how could that creature have even entertained the idea that this would drive them apart? There was no way the Time Lord was going to let that happen, and it seemed Rose was of the same mind.

While re-living the memory he'd figured one thing out quite clearly, much to his sorrow. Rose was in love with him, had been in love with him for years but she wasn't going to do anything about it. She was going to respect his unspoken rules because they were his rules and she loved him, and by extension she loved his rules — or at least respected them. That was what was making this so hard for her. The creature had sensed the truth, used it to the best advantage, and now they were in a real pickle. They couldn't go forward as just friends, not with a baby on the way and not with having what they both wanted so clearly dangled before them and then defiled. They couldn't go forward as more than friends, not with this mess hanging over their heads like Damocles' sword — and not without having to break their self imposed limits.

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't he be happy, just for once? The Doctor couldn't help a sudden wave of self pity. Why? What kind of a universe did he live in? What kind of cruel heartless universe thought these things up? He'd finally had her back, finally after all these years and he'd been happy! He had Rose. They were happy. They were content and exploring and living life in the most spectacular non-linear fashion. He could forget what he'd lost with her. He could start over; go about his business without the weight of a thousand years pressing down on him like a pallet of stones. Why did the universe have to go and ruin it? Hadn't he done his bit for king and country? He'd pressed the damn button, just like they'd asked of him, done it all for the sake of the universe. Couldn't the bloody universe do one little thing for him and let him have his Rose in peace? He'd served, oh Rassilon he'd served. Wasn't it about damned time he got a little back in return?

Of course, thinking this way wasn't going to change the universe's mind. The Doctor knew that and he knew that he was upsetting Rose. His emotions were likely still filtering across to her from the earlier contact and her sleep had become restless, the emotional exchange was after all a two way street. He stilled and gently petted her hair till she calmed down, forcing his feelings back into some semblance of calm for her sake.

It didn't help and Rose stretched suddenly sliding down his body as she did so. Her eyes opened and she blinked up at him bleary from sleep, a small timid smile on her lips. She tried to brush her hair down flat, but the blond strands refused to cooperate. She was a sorry looking sight, honestly, eyes all puffy from crying, hair a fright, clothes all wrinkled. Of course, the Doctor mused, he wasn't much better off. Rose seemed to pick up on his thoughts and looked down, blushing a bit. "Sorry. I guess I needed a good cry."

The Doctor smiled down at her, her head lying rather awkwardly in his lap after her stretch. "We both did, I think." Rose frowned slightly and stretched an arm up to trace a tear track down his cheek.

"We'll be okay, you and I." Her voice was soft but firm and he couldn't help but nod in agreement with it. "We'll figure this out as we go, yeah? The Doctor and plus two."

That he couldn't agree with and shook his head no. "No, the Doctor, Rose, baby, and plus whatever odd number we pick up. The TARDIS is your home, Rose." He sighed and started to play with her hair absentmindedly. "I don't want you to ever think you're a plus one, not again, not since…" He trailed off, his face scrunched in deep thought. "You haven't been a plus one since the start — not really." He smirked down at her. "You, Rose Tyler, are the first person to ever have home here, other than me. No more thinking I'm gonna dump you off somewhere, alright? You, me, TARDIS, and baby and that's just how it's going to be."

He smirked at her slightly astonished look and then in a very serious tone spoke a single phrase in his native language before repeating it in English. "Rose Tyler, I formally grant you permanent residence status on the TARDIS." The hum of the ship kicked up a notch and there was a tiny flash of light. "It's official." He grinned madly down at her. "The TARDIS likes you, Rose. She's never going to let me just leave you behind, not now especially - you're part of the crew. If you were a Time Lady I could help you bond with her properly, as it is the best I can do is promise you that if you need her to, the TARDIS will respond to you now. She's an older model and doesn't have full telepathic capabilities, so I'm not sure how much flying you'll be able to mange on your own, but I think I can get you trained up a bit for dematerialization and space flight. Temporal travel might be a bit of a problem, but we'll work on it." His grin faded quickly. "Does this help at all? I don't want you to feel like you're dependent on my good graces. They tend to be rather spread out after all."

Rose didn't say anything instead sitting up and pulling him into a desperate hug, almost crushing him. She held tight onto him until she finally found her voice. "Thank you. I...I'm not sure I understand what this really means, but I know it must not be easy for you." She backed away a bit and sat on her heels. "The TARDIS is all you have left of your people. Sharing's got to be difficult."

"yeah." He smiled at her and she grinned back, tongue poking out her mouth in that way that just screamed ROSE. "The old girl and I have been through a lot, but I'll let you in on a secret." He leaned close and whispered in her ear with mock seriousness. "This TARDIS was made to be a deep space exploration vessel. She's built for a crew of 6 Time Lords." He paused. "And their families. She's been a little lonely with just little old me." He drew back and watched as Rose's eyebrows climbed.

"Is that why you have to run around like a crazy person to fly her? There's supposed to be six people doing it!"

He grinned. "yup." The p popped. "Most TARDISes are bonded only to one Time Lord and rarely survive their deaths. This model wasn't quite like that, she's supposed to bond to several people on a lower level and then have a more complete bond with a senior Time Lord, sort of like her captain — and that bond is fluid, able to be transferred partially at her discretion. When I...appropriated...this one she was about to be decommissioned, essentially killed for being too obsolete." The Doctor frowned. "Didn't feel right, so despite the noticeable inconveniences of not having a full crew, I thought she and I might make a go of it. The others would never have bonded with me, but this TARDIS was old enough to see a good opportunity when it came along."

Rose frowned and eyed him suspiciously. "You stole the TARDIS?" He nodded looking a wee bit sheepish and Rose burst out into hysterical laughter. "Doctor, have you ever thought she might have just stolen you?" The ship's gleeful humming in the back of his mind seemed to confirm her suspicion. Rose's eyes went large at the sound, however, and the Doctor patted her gently on the shoulder.

"Like I said, I can't bond you with her completely, it's just not biologically possible. But you'll hear her more now, notice her moods a bit more frequently." The TARDIS gave a psychic happy trill and Rose's eyes went even larger. "Yes, that's her. You've felt it before, but never been anything this intense I'll wager. Except when you looked into her heart, of course."

"No," Rose swallowed hard. "It's amazing." She reached out a hand and gently stroked the wall. "Wow, I'm surprised she still likes me after I cracked her central column open. I mean, that had to hurt." The ship gave a mournful hum and then the Doctor and Rose both got a rush of warmth from her — all was forgiven it would seem. Rose grinned only to have her mirth interrupted by a large yawn.

"Right, Rose. You need to go get some sleep and we can play get-to-know-the-TARDIS-properly in the morning." He clamored off his bed and Rose nodded at him in agreement before starting to climb off as well, stiff from all their unplanned napping. As she went to get up, her foot hit the box he'd left on the edge of the bed. It fell to the floor with a loud clatter, spilling its contents across the room.

Rose gave a loud squeak and dropped quickly to the floor, starting to gather up the photos and scraps of paper as the Doctor bent to retrieve the box. "I'm sorry, Doctor. I didn't even notice it there..." She trailed off at the look on his face as she held out the stack, his mother's picture on the top. He'd gone completely white. She looked at the photo than at his face. "Doctor?" She softened her tone. "Who was she?"

"My mother." His voice was almost a whisper. "She was my mother."


	7. Golden Slumbers

_A/N: Before everyone starts shouting at me, I do plan on fleshing out the back story to the Doctor's parents. Just not yet. The Doctor and Rose have been through a hell of a day and I think they need something close to normalcy before they jump onto the next emotional roller coaster. This chapter is mostly explanation and plot movement. I promise we'll get back to the heart wrenching stuff shortly. There is an actual plot to this fic beyond an angsty knocked up Rose – the plot bunnies have just run off with it._

Rose looked back down at the photograph, staring intently at it. "Your mother?" Rose's mouth turned down a bit at the corners. "Hard to really imagine it, I guess. I mean, I know you had to have a mum…." She shook her head and stood up, carefully holding onto the bundle of photographs and papers. "Here, Doctor. I don't want to get them all fingerprinty." She crewed a bit on her bottom lip as she handed them over, her curiosity openly warring with her desire to leave him his privacy.

The Doctor took the stack with shaking hands and placed them back in the box. He stared down at them for a long moment before slowly closing the lid and setting the box on his desk next to the long forgotten food tray. "I'd like to tell you about her sometime." His voice wasn't a strong as he'd like it to be. "Just, not right now. Please?" He didn't turn around to look at her but he could sense her concern.

"I'd like to hear it, Doctor. When you're ready." She patted him on the shoulder and started for the door. "If you need me, I've been sleeping in the guest room a few doors down from here." The Doctor finally turned and looked at her, raising an eyebrow. She looked a little embarrassed at her confession, her eyes not quite meeting his. "My room's just…"

"Rose," the Doctor smiled sympathetically, "you can change rooms if you'd like. The TARDIS is more than large enough."

Rose chewed her bottom lip a bit harder and the Doctor almost thought she'd draw blood. "I don't want to give in." She squared her shoulders a bit and tried to look like the thought of going back to her old room to sleep didn't frighten the hell out of her.

The Doctor couldn't help rolling his eyes. "Rose, change rooms. I'd change rooms if it had happened here!" He moved closer to her and gave her another hug and kissed the top of her head. "Silly human. Let's have the TARDIS move your things. If you want, we can space the bloody room once you've moved out – furniture and all."

"Really?" She grinned up at him. "You can do that?"

"We can do that." He smirked at her. "Now that you've got TARDIS authorization you can do all sorts of things. You can depressurize a level or make the gravity disappear. You can flip rooms upside down or sideways. You can make a whole level out of Swiss cheese. You can have things redecorated all in pink if it catches your fancy…." He frowned and trailed off for a moment his expression showing just how much the idea of a pink TARDIS bothered him. "Please don't touch the columns in the console room at least. It's taken me centuries to get it to look just the way I wanted."

She giggled and for the first time in a long while the smile actually reached her eyes. "I like it just the way it is, Doctor, I promise not to turn the place all pink or any kind of cheese." She kissed his cheek and backed away quickly, seemingly surprised at her own actions.

The Doctor watched her from his doorway as she entered the once empty guest room and waved to him goodnight. He sent a silent plea to the TARDIS and the ship hummed back. Rose's things should already be in the room, had been moved while they'd been sleeping in fact. The TARDIS had taken advantage of her new bond to Rose and done a little preemptive work. Just in case she might need him, the Doctor had the TARDIS move the two rooms between them down the hall further so Rose's room was now right next to his. He wanted to keep her close, for now. In all likelihood she'd have a quite rest, but he was becoming paranoid in his old age. A side benefit to the whole Rose/TARDIS development would be the ship keeping an eye on her, mentally now as well as physically. Of course, the Doctor had a suspicion that there had always been more to the TARDIS and Rose's relationship than he'd been aware of, especially after Satellite Five. The golden glow in Rose's mind seemed to prove that fact, but what it meant was still a mystery.

The Doctor shook off his train of thought and went back into his room and picked up the tray before heading for the kitchen. He might was well make himself useful and at least transport the dishes. He set the tray down on the counter and then dropped bonelessly into a chair at the table. He had a million thoughts floating around in his head and yet he felt numb.

The TARDIS hummed at him again, in apparent happiness. He really should have linked them ages ago. Rose had a right to her as much as he did. After all, neither of them had anywhere else to call home. A ship full of misfits and strays, that's what they were turning into. Sometimes, just sometimes, the Doctor wished he could talk to her, talk to the TARDIS. She was always there, always a comfort. Her little hums and trills, her lights and her puffs of air spoke volumes. Still, though, it would be nice sometimes to have a bit of advice from someone or something that had seen what he'd seen – advice in clear word form. The TARDIS' lights lowered a bit and the Doctor could tell the ship sympathized. After all, the TARDIS didn't have any other TARDISes to talk to anymore either.

He loved his ship. She was fantastic, brilliant, amazing. She was perfect mostly because she wasn't. She was nearly as old as the Time Lords Academy. She'd been antiquated before the Doctor's father's birth. She'd seen everything, been everywhere and everywhen. When he'd first seen her in the maintenance yard, sitting there all dark and half-dead, he'd wanted nothing more than to see her inside, to run his hand over her console and touch the rotor, to feel what it felt like to fly inside a legend. He'd been a foolish youth, dreaming of adventures to be had and he'd instantly seen himself at her helm. The ship hadn't seemed to mind his youthful folly. She'd opened her doors before he'd touched her. She'd invited him in and then dematerialized before his hands had gone near the console. She had truly stolen his hearts in that moment as well as his body. They'd spent years on the run from the other Time Lords after that stunt, and a few others. They'd broken nearly every rule together. Now, now they were the last of both their kinds.

The Doctor stood up and left the kitchen for the console room. The organic arches and the soft lighting from the time rotor always made him feel better. He'd spent countless days when they'd first been united trying to un-install the control devises the Time Lords had used to force the TARDIS into conformity, into the stagnate institutional white they'd wanted. He'd tweaked and fiddled and sometimes exploded. It wasn't till his eighth regeneration that he'd finally gotten most of it removed. That had been one of the reasons he'd survived Gallifrey's destruction, he was certain of it. The TARDIS had her free will back and as such she'd been able to survive and keep him alive when none of the other TARDISes had managed the same feat. Her free will had allowed her to pilot them out of danger when he couldn't.

The TARDIS was grown and she was alive. And she was lonely. The Doctor could feel that clearly, had felt that for a long time. She'd been lonely when he'd found her and all their years together had done little to abate that loneliness. Until Rose. Rose had waltzed into both their lives and wiped the slate clean, filled their timeless travels with her warmth. Oh, they both still felt the press of loneliness and regret, it still haunted their footsteps, but Rose gave them hope during their darkest moments that it wouldn't always be like that.

The Doctor wondered, not for the first time, what the TARDIS had seen in Rose and vise versa when Rose had opened the central column and looked into the heart. The TARDIS hadn't been the same since. She'd been more independent, a little more unpredictable. A little more like Rose. The Doctor ran a hand gently over the console, a caress if he was honest with himself. The light from the rotor flickered for a moment and the Doctor felt the ship almost sigh in his mind as if melting under his touch.

He'd accused Jack of flirting with her once and here he was stroking her like a lover. He smiled. In the old days, when Rassilon was still remembered as a man and not as something close to a god, TARDISes and Time Lords had bonded like he had with this TARDIS, THE TARDIS – he did not feel any other could be worthy of the name. It had once been a truly symbiotic existence between living machine and Time Lord. The ship and its occupants were linked, able to communicate with thought alone – flawless teamwork. But the Time Lords had wanted more control and less dependence on their living ships so they had fiddled with the magnificent creatures – butchered them, limited them, hobbled them. They corrupted their growth. They hardwired foreign components into them so their auto-repair wouldn't be able to do all the work alone, making them dependent on outside help. They bent and forced and molded them to their will. It had been a cold calculating action of enslavement carried out over the millenniums until there was only legend left to tell of what it had once been like. As a boy, the Doctor had listened to his father weave the tales of those lost ships. He'd read about the models that had come since, even the much lauded Type 102 TARDIS with its "full sentience". The Time Lords could say it was fully sentient, but it wasn't free, they'd never let them be free. This TARDIS, this old broken down Type 40 was more sentient than any Type 102 had ever dreamed of being. She just couldn't talk in words.

He'd bonded with her as closely as it was possible for a Time Lord and a Type 40 to do. Her mind simply wasn't capable of aligning its thought patterns with his anymore than they had done – thanks to the Time Lords and their fiddling. Sometimes, when necessary, he could see through her eyes for brief seconds but the cost was always high, nearly burning out his synapses in the processes and causing her serious damage. He was sure she could talk, but just not in a language his brain could handle. He longed for the ability to give her back what she could have been, before the Time Lords had corrupted her kind. He didn't have the power or the knowledge to do that but he'd done all he could for her, she was as free as he could make her.

The Doctor sank down to the grating and pulling out the sonic screwdriver as he shimmied into a gap in the plating to work a bit more on the wiring. It was going to take him the rest of his regenerations to put the damage to her systems right. The fall of Gallifrey had taken a toll her auto-repair sequences just couldn't handle alone. She was slowly dying from her injuries and would have been gone already if he hadn't devoted himself tirelessly to her care. She should be alright, eventually, if he could keep her going for a few more decades. Her systems and his tinkering should have her stable again by then. If he was lucky he'd find a way before he ran out of lives to jiggery poke her non-organic components so that she could repair all her vital systems alone. He had a thought that when it came time, Jack might take care of her for him. Being immortal he was about the only one who'd likely be around when the time came. And Jack would let her stay free.

The Doctor carefully replaced a nearly burnt through wire. He had a habit of obsessing over things and people being free. He'd done what he could for the TARDIS, now somehow he had to make sure Rose was as free as she could be too. He'd teach her how to fly the TARDIS, which was a start. But there wasn't much he could do, not really. She'd always feel beholden to him. With her lifespan it just wasn't possible to learn the things he had, to gain the skills necessary to do what he did. So if Rose stayed with him, she'd always be living in his shadow – afraid she wasn't his equal. The Doctor new better, but convincing Rose of her own self worth had never been an easy task. His 9th self hadn't helped with all his 'stupid apes' comments.

It was ironic really. His father had never concerned himself with these issues and his son had obsessed over them and yet somehow both ended up in the same position. His mother had been in a very similar situation to Rose, after all. She'd been officially declared dead on Earth. She'd had nowhere else to go. The difference was, his father hadn't done much to make her feel she belonged or that he considered her an equal, at least not when the Doctor had been young. Once they'd' been exiled to Earth, things had changed, even reversed. Suddenly it was his mother that knew what was going on, what to do. His father had been forced to conform to her world and her people, even her time. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so damn hard to watch. The great Time Lord, on his last regeneration, reduced to a house husband while his human wife kept the world at bay.

She'd been a remarkable woman, his mother. He'd seen the hurt in her eyes when his father had treated her as something less, less intelligent, less worthy, less than a Gallifreyan. He doubted his father had meant to do it, it had always been flippant and thoughtless, but it wasn't by any means rare. His mother, however, would swallow her pain and go about her business. She'd usually prove him wrong too, in her own way. When they'd come to Earth, his father had told her to stay in the house, not to get to know anyone. He'd assumed she'd give them away or alter the time stream so he'd made it very clear – she wasn't to go out until he'd found a cover story for them. She'd waited two weeks than disobeyed him and managed to find them all fake identification and made her own story up for them. She'd gotten a job, a rarity in the time they'd come back to, and even found a way to purchase a small plot of land outside Cambridge. The chameleon circuiton his father's Type 97 TARDIS had worked perfectly and they'd parked it by a little tree and the ship had changed to look from the outside, and mostly from the inside, like a little country cottage. They'd powered her down and put her in sleep mode so they wouldn't catch the attention of any wondering aliens. His mother had planted flowers outside and even, much to his father's displeasure, affixed window boxes on the outside. His mother, however, had never been allowed to bond to the TARDIS they called home.

He'd once told Rose she could have the adventure he never could, to live life day to day. He'd lied a tiny bit. He'd had that once, for a few precious years. Leaving had almost killed him and even though he'd promised to go back, he never had. His father had not returned for the Time War, not even in the end when all the exiled and retired Time Lords had been summoned to make the final stand. The call could not have been ignored, so it was safe to assume he was long dead. The Doctor knew instinctively the date of his mother's death, being human he'd seen her timeline and its end since his earliest memory. The circumstances were a mystery, but he knew she'd died when he'd still been at the Academy. His father, however, was an uncharted factor. He could have theoretically lived several centuries during his last regeneration. His failure to appear for the Time War could only mean one thing, however, and the Doctor hadn't even had the chance to morn.

-

The Doctor spent the night replacing wiring and fiddling with tubing. When Rose awoke she found him covered in grease and buried up to his neck in some circuitry. She'd taken one look at him, tilted her head slightly to the right, and walked out of the console room to make breakfast, not even bothering to ask what he was up to. The Doctor noticed that as she walked she made an effort to trail her hand alone the corridor wall.

After a quick shower he met up with Rose in the kitchen for a speedy morning meal. He'd never quite gotten it through her head that he didn't need to eat that often. It hardly mattered, his metabolism could handle the extra food, and it made her smile to see him eat. So he joined her whenever he could, especially since she'd come back. It seemed every moment was more important now.

The silence as they ate weighed them both down and the Doctor was at a loss as to how to fix it. Finally, he mustered the courage to ask her how she'd slept.

Rose took a sip of her tea and gave a genuine smile. "Exquisitely, Doctor. First good night's rest I've had in ages." She eyed the ceiling with an almost loving expression. "She sang to me all night." Rose dropped her eyes back down to her cup of tea, the smile never leaving her lips.

"Really?" The Doctor eyed Rose carefully and then taking his queue from her looked at the ceiling. "I wonder..."

Rose snickered. "What do you wonder? It's never good when use that tone."

The Doctor's eyes snapped down to meet hers. "Rose, how much did you feel the TARDIS before last night?"

Rose frowned and tipped her chair back a bit balancing it on its back legs. "Well, she was in my head and did the translations of course. I could always feel her back there, sort of just at the edge of my mind, like when you see something out of the corner of your eye. If I tried to look at her, I'd loss her." Rose lowered her chair back to the ground and took another sip of tea. "I could tell sometimes when something bad was going on, I could feel her anxiety. When you sent me back during the Satellite Five disaster it was stronger. It felt like she desperately wanted to get something through to me but I couldn't hear her – like someone was shouting from far away. I could hear the voice but not the words. I think she knew what I was doing when I broke open the console." Rose's eyes closed and a look of deep concentration settled on her face. "I don't remember much about looking into her heart, but I do remember we talked. It wasn't in words, it was like a mad rush. She saw what I wanted to do and she told me how we could arrange it – what it would take. I think she offered the Vortex to me and I'm pretty sure I knew the risks." Rose opened her eyes and looked hard at the Doctor. "I know that I did it willingly, she didn't hide the consequences from me. We both thought I'd die."

The Doctor frowned. "Oh, Rose." He shook his head. "I..."

She grabbed his hand across the table and squeezed it. "It's alright, Doctor. I'd do it again if I had to, you know that. Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth and the Doctor." She grinned a cheeky grin and let go of his hand. "Things changed a bit after that though."

"How'd they change?" The Doctor deliberately sipped his tea, trying to act like the answer wasn't that important.

Rose shrugged and eyed him carefully letting him know she wasn't fooled. "I could feel the TARDIS more, like she was closer to me. Sometimes I'd hear her sing, but it wasn't distinct. She did start doing things for me. If we had a really bad day and got into a scrape she'd have the shower running before I even got to my room. She started having tea ready in the morning without me making it. I'd think about how much I'd like to have a new pair of shoes and they'd show up on my bed. Weird things like that. Somehow she knew what I wanted and needed and just did it." Rose shrugged. "There were a couple of times when we were in trouble and you sent me to find something. She'd move the room closer and blink the lights to let me know when I was getting close to whatever it was. Things like that."

The Doctor frowned. "That's terribly close to what a bond demonstrates as. What's it like now that you actually are bonded?"

Rose grinned again, the smile wide and genuine. "She talks to me now."

The Doctor sat bolt upright. "Talks? How?"

Rose's smiled faltered a tiny bit at his tone. "She told me to wake up this morning, that you were getting cranky and needed some tea to calm you down. You were suturing the wrong wires together and she didn't want to hurt your feelings by zapping you, for the fourth time in an hour."

He ignored the jib to his repair skills and instead focus on the implications. "She said this in words?" The Doctor was leaning across the table now in open eagerness.

Rose frowned. "Not words exactly. I mean, it wasn't like you talking to me. It was just the whole concept sort of appeared in my head at once. Gave me a bit of a headache the first time, but later when I was making breakfast she let me know you weren't very hungry and not to make much. It didn't hurt that time." Her frowned deepened. "Doctor, why all the questions? I mean, didn't you say your bond with her was deeper? You must talk to her all the time. I hear you talk to her as a matter of fact."

The Doctor schooled his features carefully not to show his jealously. "Rose, I talk to the TARDIS but she doesn't talk back."

Rose looked shocked and then she closed her eyes and tilted her head a bit to the right. Her mouth turned down a fraction and when she opened her eyes the Doctor could have sworn he saw a swirl of golden light.

"The TARDIS said she can't talk to you." Rose looked confused and she kept her head tilted like she was listening to something only she could hear. "She says she's sorry, she wants to but it would hurt you." Rose straightened her head and frowned deeply. "Doctor, why can't she talk to you but she can me?"

The Doctor got up from the table and pulled out the sonic screwdriver and ran it over Rose's body. "I don't know." He changed the setting and repeated the scan. "It should be impossible."

"Oh, we love impossible." Rose smirked but then frowned when the Doctor didn't laugh. "She wouldn't be doing it if it would hurt me." The lights brightened for a second as if in confirmation.

The Doctor grabbed Rose's hand and without saying a word pulled her to her feet and all the way to the med bay. He plopped her down on the exam table and started up the more powerful scanners. "Rose, I want you to ask the TARDIS if she can explain what's going on."

Rose closed her eyes in concentration. A half a minute later she burst out laughing. She opened her eyes, this time the golden light was plainly visible. "She says it took you long enough to ask."

The Doctor snorted. "Well tell TARDIS I'm sorry and if she doesn't mind would she fork over the information!"

Rose chortled. "She heard you, Doctor. She hears you plain as day and you don't have to yell at her." Rose tiled her head to the right a bit. "Oh, and while she's complaining she says if you hit her one more time with that mallet she'll make sure all your underwear is two sizes to small from now on. Or something like that. The treats real, but I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what she intends as punishment."

"I thought she liked Percussive Maintenance?" The Doctor huffed.

Rose giggled as her eyes sparked. "Oh, now that's rich." She eyed the Doctor humorously. "She says a girl only likes spanked at certain times and she'll let you know when." The Doctor felt his ears turn bright red and Rose laughed harder. "The TARDIS has a very unique since of humor. I like it."

"Figures." The Doctor crossed his arms and glared at both Rose and the wall of the ship. "But neither of you have answered my question. How exactly are you managing this little chat without Rose's synapses burning up?"

Rose closed her eyes again for a moment and then opened them again, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I think what she's trying to tell me and mind I could be off a bit on this, it's all rather Spocky and I'm having trouble grasping it. I think when I had the Vortex in my head it did something funny to my brain waves – sort of tweaked them. Whatever it did, it made my head start vibrating on a frequency closer to the TARDIS. And then, when I looked into the TARDIS it sort of tweaked her a bit too. Somehow, between the two of us, we started operating on a close enough..." Rose frowned deeply and shrugged before going on. "Well, all I can think to call it is a wavelength. We found some kind of middle wavelength that lets her talk to me. It's not perfect, she thinks that if we do it to often I'll start getting tired and it takes her a bit of energy to do it as well. She suggested we don't really play around with it for daily stuff and save it for emergencies." Rose smirked suddenly. "Only she says she wants to keep it up for a little while. She thinks you and I need a distraction and that this will keep you occupied for awhile." Rose stopped smiling, remembering why they needed a distraction. She tilted her head to the right again, eyes glowing before her look turned a little sheepish. "Evidently she didn't want me to tell you that last part."

The Doctor finished scanning Rose. "When you're talking to her, your brain wave patterns are altered like I've never seen before, but only when you tilt your head like you're receiving a signal of some kind. When you do, your eyes turn golden like the Vortex is still swirling behind them." The doctor couldn't stop the concern from sounding in his voice.

Rose shrugged but scouted around to squint at the monitor. "Damn. I hoped she'd translate that gibberish for me now but she says that's not going to happen." Rose snorted. "The TARDIS is a little overprotective of you, Doctor. She thinks of you like her son, I think."

The Doctor couldn't help but perk up at that a small bit. Rose noticed and chuckled. "Let me correct that, not a son exactly. She made some comment about your rear bumper and mum' s don't do that." The Doctor couldn't help but blush a bit and turned away making Rose laugh all the harder.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Alright, so if you both became atoned after Satellite Five, why did she wait till now to talk to you like this?"

Rose tilted her head again and her eyes sparkled with golden light. "Seems that it took a while for the alterations to my brain to be completed. It wasn't done till shortly before she yanked me back into this universe. She waited after that till you formally initiated the bond. She didn't think it was her place and she says she's also learned to be patient over the millennia." Rose grinned. "She called you a youngster."

The Doctor huffed indigently but offered Rose a hand down off the table. "Does it bother you, having her in your head that far?"

Rose considered the question for a moment as they walked slowly back to the kitchen. "Not really. I mean, in a way she's always been there. When I was in Pete's world, it felt like I was missing part of myself. I mean, I missed you of course, but it was like there was this whole in my mind. I'd wake up in the middle of the night terrified because the room was so quite. I started running a fan, keeping the radio on. Nothing helped because what I wanted to hear wasn't there." Rose leaned into him a bit and took his hand. "The moment I landed on the deck, even as bad off as the TARDIS was, that empty space just filled up instantly. It was like water rushing in after a dam bursts." She smiled gently. "I'd been so cold all the time in Pete's world, nothing could make me feel warm. As soon as I landed here, even though the air was freezing, I felt warm."

She pushed him sharply into the wall with a sudden movement and giggled at his glare. "So, Doctor, where are we off to today?"

He stared at her in utter shock. "You want to go somewhere? I thought you'd want a few days of peace and quiet. If we go somewhere we're going to end up running for our lives."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You sound like me. You know, we only end up running for our lives about 30 of the time. You land us in jail and we have to sweat talk ourselves out about 15. I land us in jail about 7. We end up in the wrong place and have to stop for repairs another 5. And let's not forgot that somewhere around 25 of the time we do get to just explore."

The Doctor reached up to rub the back of his neck. "That's only 82. What happens during the rest?"

Rose laughed and then smacked him playfully on the arm. "That, dear Doctor, is the unpredictable part of our adventures."


	8. Ghosts of the Conscience

"Thank you, Rose. Thank you so much for suggesting we do this." The Doctor's voice was loaded with sarcasm and more than a little resentment. Of all the times to get captured and imprisoned she had to pick now.

"I did not suggest we do this." Rose replied, her voice equally irritated. "I suggested we visit somewhere, do a little something to get our minds off of things. I did not suggest we land on this god forsaken rock."

"You knew what would happen. You knew we'd end up like this and still you suggested it." He had to admit that sounded whiny even to him. "You even _joked_ about it."

"Oi," Rose growled, "This is _your_ lifestyle remember? I didn't invent this."

The Doctor shifted to try and glare in Rose's general direction but wasn't quite able to make it – his eyes only catching a hint of bright orange to his left. "Well it wasn't my habit of poking out my tongue that offended the local dictator!"

Rose snorted. "You've been here before. You could have warned me."

The Doctor huffed. "I'll have you know that showing one's tongue is generally considered rude in most of this galaxy. Any decent person would know that and avoid the offense!" He could hear Rose struggling in indignation as soon as the words left his mouth.

"That's rich coming from the sultan of rude himself! You could have said something. It's not like I just developed the habit! And we both know damn well that I haven't even a clue _which_ galaxy we're even in!" Rose sighed angrily and mumbled something about slapping him under her breath.

"I rather like it when you do that, I wasn't going to tell you and have you stop!" The Doctor cringed as he reviled yet another weakness to his companion. He could practically feel her gleeful smile from where he was hanging.

"So it's my fault that you like my habit of rude tongueiness?" Rose's voice was back to its slightly teasing tone.

"Yes."

"I think you've been hanging upside down too long, Doctor. The blood's gone to your head."

The Doctor huffed again, knowing full well that his 'oncoming sulk' look, as Rose had named it, was wasted on the wall he was currently staring at. They'd only been exploring for about hour when the town's version of a police chief had rather politely asked them to follow him to his office. There was some paperwork that all visitors were requested to fill out, just to make sure they weren't transporting anything dangerous or whatnot. The Doctor had readily complied, ignoring Rose's suspicious eye narrowing.

The entire paperwork filling-out expedition had lasted only a few minutes and everything seemed to be in order. The official had thanked them, and Rose had taken the Doctor's hand at the doorway into the street and just as they were about to exit the building, Rose had made a joke and followed it with her classic tongue in teeth maneuver. It just so happened that at the exact moment the tongue meet the teeth the 7 foot tall, dark brown, and generally nasty tempered head Mugwamp of the entire southern hemisphere himself had stepped into their path. One look at Rose's tongue and the military leader had nearly fainted from indignation. The once pleasant town law enforcement official had them in chains within seconds. Tried, sentenced, and sent to await their execution in the morning, the Doctor and Rose were now hanging by their ankles in the dank moist dungeon of the main government building.

Worst yet, out the somewhat moss flexed window the Doctor could just barely make out the TARDIS sitting happily on the hillside right outside and across the river. The building they were in was built into the cliffside overlooking the lake. The dungeon they were currently hanging in just happened to face the town, and the TARDIS, instead of solid rock. He'd have preferred the rock.

"I can't take this anymore." Rose suddenly bit out.

The Doctor tried again to twist around to see her, but all he could do was listen to the sound of movement behind him and to the left. The speck of orange that was Rose's jacket jerked and moved upwards. "What are you doing?"

"I'm…" Rose sounded somewhat out of breath. "I'm holding onto the chain that's around my ankles. I can't take hanging…upside down anymore. It's... giving me a headache."

"Ah." The Doctor responded then scrunched his forehead in confusion. "Wait a minute. Your arms aren't tied to the floor?"

"Noooo." Rose paused. "I take it yours are?"

"Very much so, yes." The Doctor squirmed a bit. "Not fair really. They couldn't possibly know that my circulatory system can compensate and yours can't. They've left me to suffer and you're the one that caused the disturbance."

There was a terrifying moment of silence before Rose slowly and without humor spoke, "Doctor, I'm going to _politely_ suggest you stop saying this is my fault, or so help me, when we get out of here I will do far worse than hang you upside down. You've got a few regenerations left after all, and a Time Lord piñata is starting to sound like a wonderful party game."

The Doctor's eyes widened. "Point taken then." He wiggled again causing the chains holding him to cut into his skin. "Say, since you are relatively free over there, do you think you can reach my trouser pocket? The sonic screwdriver is in there."

With a clang he heard Rose let go of the chains and fall back into place upside down. "Why didn't you say so in the first place? I thought it was in your jacket." The chains creaked as Rose started the process of swinging back and forth on her chain trying to reach him.

The Doctor tried to hold still as he heard Rose shuffling about twisting and grunting. "Did you happen to see what they did with my jacket? I can't see it from over here."

"Corner…just by the door." Rose growled lowly and the Doctor gasped as a hand roughly grabbed his right leg, thigh level. "Gottcha."

"Ouch!"

"Oh stop being a baby." Rose patted his leg and he looked up to see her smirking and hanging onto him to stay close. "This is the second time gymnastics has saved your rear, Doctor." Rose rummaged in his pocket with one hand for a moment before pulling out the screwdriver and dropping several odd objects onto the floor in the process, each one making a distinct splash as it landed. "I don't want to know what you've done to your trousers to keep all that rubbish in there and not have it fall it. I'm happy about it, mind, just confused." Her triumphant grin as she wagged the screwdriver at him made him laugh before she let go of his leg and swung back into place. "This is getting rather exhausting though."

"Well it's no wonder. You aren't exactly use to full body pull ups." The Doctor squirmed again in his chains. "Think you can manage another one to get back up to your ankle chains?"

He heard Rose sigh. "Probably, only what do I do when I get there? We're about 8 feet in the air, Doctor. I get up there, zap the chains, they break, down goes Rose, screwdriver and all – head first."

The Doctor winced. "Rather avoid that if we can."

"What's the range on this thing? Can I hang onto your leg again and then zap my chains? It'd be about three or four feet from my hand to the lock, depending." Rose sounded somewhat unsure of the idea, most likely afraid she wouldn't be able to hold onto him with the weight of the chain dragging her down when it fell.

The Doctor couldn't help shaking his head no, even though he doubted she could see it. "Too far and too risky. Can you reach me again and then sort of climb up me and reach the lock on mine instead?"

"I can try."

Again the Doctor heard the chain swing and again he was roughly grabbed, this time around his waist. The force threw him against his manacles and he bit back a scream of pain. It really wasn't fair. Rose got to dangle around all free like a child with a rope swing and he was stretched tight like he was on a bloody mid-air rack!

"You alright?" Rose's worried face peered down at him.

"Yeah. Peachy." He grimaced. "Now see if you can manage to make me fall on my head."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Does your _advanced_ biology offer protection against a broken neck that mine doesn't?" When he didn't say anything Rose sighed and started to try and climb up his body, her chains rattling and her teeth grinding against what had to be muscle pain and the cutting of the metal shackles on her ankles. "Didn't think so." She bit out. When she reached his ankles the Doctor could see her body stretched out, the chain stretched nearly to its limit. She could barely reach. "Alright Doctor, I've got this thing set to unlock the manacles. Any plan on how you aren't going to die when I hit the button?"

"I'll be fine Rose. Just release the lock." At least he hoped he hadn't lost the ability to twist mid…

He fell. Instinct took over, aided by his time sense, and with considerable effort he managed to flip himself over so he landed feet down, discovering much to his displeasure that there was a good three inches of water on the ground and that he knees weren't as young as he'd have liked them to be.

"I never knew you were part feline." Rose called down to him and the Doctor looked up smirking despite his discomfort. She dropped the screwdriver down to him and with a quick flick of the switch he released his hands from the nearly nine feet of chain that had held them in place. It had been a long drop. Really, why did people waste so much space on prison cells anymore? The ceiling height was positively ridiculous. It just wasn't practical…

A quick inspection showed that the wench used to haul them both into place had been mobile and that the guard must have taken it with him. The Doctor shrugged and Rose sighed in irritation. "I guess we do this the hard way." Rose muttered. "You'd better catch me or..." She trailed off and left the threat unsaid.

The Doctor tossed the screwdriver back up to Rose, who missed it. Three tries later and she was grunting and twisting in mid-air again trying to reach her feet. The Doctor caught her when she dropped, knocking them both to the floor with a splash.

"I think you've gained weight." The Doctor moaned as he shifted Rose off him. She gave a surprised yip as she fell into the water.

"Not my fault! Eating for two over here!" Rose glared at him but took his hand when he offered it.

The Doctor hauled her to her feet and then picked his supping wet jacket up off the floor. "They really weren't fair about this. They chain my hands up and take my jacket but they leave you yours."

"Mine's fitted. If they'd left yours on it would have fallen down and done you no good anyway." Rose announced as she ran her hands over the door looking for a way out. "Now get over here and zap these hinges so we can get back to the TARDIS." Rose glared hard at him. "The TARDIS and my dinner."

One small sonic hum later and they were out into the corridor, feet squishing as they walked. Luckily, there didn't seem to be any guards on their level and with a little bit of not so stealth like walking they reached the staircase to the upper levels and freedom. Rose was limping slightly, but nothing compared to some of the injuries she'd had in the past and with gritted teeth she told the Doctor she could make it up the staircase just fine – without help.

The Doctor went first, his senses extended as far as he could. They crept up the stairs, going up a good five flights before a tug on his hand made him stop and look back at Rose. Her face was flushed and she was breathing heavily, the pulse in the wrist the Doctor held racing faster than he'd ever felt it, even after a good mile long run. When he stopped moving she sank down to the steps putting her head between her knees. Her breathing didn't slow and after a few moments of patiently waiting for her to catch her breath the Doctor stopped scanning the stairwell for guards and instead turned to her. It took only moments for him to find the problem- she had a blood clot in her lung, probably a large one if her pained gasping was anything to go by. His hearts nearly skipped out of his chest. Rose looked up at him, panic starting to creep into her eyes at his quickly inhaled breath- his obvious worry causing her to panic. He waved her silent and picked her up, nearly running up the steps to the nearest door. They were still too far down the cliff, nearly a dozen more flights of stairs till they reached the top of the cliffs and the only entrance/exit to freedom. For now, the empty corridor they found themselves in would have to do.

The Doctor carefully set Rose down in what looked like an abandoned cell, a good deal smaller and drier than the one they'd been in, and tried to think. There had to be something he could do, primitive surroundings or not. He was just formulating a plan when Rose's eyes rolled up in her head. He was starting to panic when the golden flecks re-appeared in the whites of her eyes and within seconds he heard it – the TARDIS was materializing.

He didn't stop to question it, but scooped her back up in his arms and ran for the marvelously open doors. He got her to the medical bay in record time and what could have been a medical disaster was fixed in nearly no time at all – 1 minute 35 seconds to be exact. He'd counted. Within moments he'd cleared the clot, healed the damage, located the problem in her leg that had formed the clot in the first place, fixed the injury to her ankles caused by the manacles, and taken care of the hang nail on her right index finger.

The TARDIS was laughing at him, he realized with a shudder as he put down the dermal regenerator after carefully inspecting the other 9 fingers. He must have looked a lunatic the way he'd dashed about the medical bay. It wasn't that serious, the monitors clearly told him he'd over-reacted. There was no reason to panic. Rose had passed out from hanging upside down so long and then making the mad dash up the stairs coupled with a little dehydration, not from the embolism alone. It was a small clot, hadn't been there more than a few minutes before he'd gotten to it – wouldn't have been impossible to treat even in Rose's time. The injury to her legs from hanging upside down coupled with her pregnancy had caused the embolism – it was a chance occurrence that was all. He forced himself to start breathing again and then doubled checked all her blood levels to be sure he hadn't missed anything. Her fainting probably had more to do with exhaustion than lack of oxygen, or so the monitors told him, confirming his diagnosis. Then the readout blipped.

The Doctor frowned at the monitor. Her progesterone was higher than it should be, even considering. Much higher. Vaguely he remembered reading something about his mother's progesterone levels increasing above normal human levels during her pregnancy, but the study hadn't given specifics. If the levels got too high Rose could be in danger of even more clots forming, from less traumatic injuries. The baby would be fine, the Gallifreyan metabolism was likely the cause anyway. But Rose...

He heard her groan as she woke up and was instantly at her side, scanner in hand to make sure everything was alright. She glared at him and knocked the thing away before sitting up.

"What the hell just happened?" She asked quietly, her eyes still a little unfocused.

The Doctor scanned her again before putting the instrument down and hoping up onto the bed next to her. "You twisted your ankle while you were hanging and that caused you to develop a blood clot. At some point it traveled to your lungs, which caused your heart rate to skyrocket and made it hard for you to breath. You were already dehydrated and your body wasn't in to good of shape after hanging upside down for so long. The stress made you pass out."

Rose nodded slowly and carefully slide off the bed and stood shakily. "Dehydrated. Right. Then let's get a cuppa and you can tell me how you managed to get me all the way to the TARDIS."

The Doctor's eyes went a little large and he bolted from the medical bay, Rose's snorting laughter fading behind him as he raced to the console room. He'd closed the doors, but he hadn't done anything about their location. When he got there, the console room was filled with the noises of assembled hordes attempting to break in - again. He hit the dematerialization button with more force than strictly necessary and glared at the walls as the ship took her good old time about disappearing. She found this funny, he just knew she did.

He found Rose in the kitchen, sipping her tea and he dropped wearily into the seat across from her, accepting the cup she slid across the table without a word.

"So," Rose started slowly. "You look terribly spooked for just a little fainting spell."

"It wasn't a little fainting spell! If the TARDIS hadn't dematerialized three feet away from us you could have died before I'd gotten you back here! It might have taken days to get across the city undetected." He took a deep breath and lowered his volume. Rose raised an eyebrow and he sighed. "You must have called her. Your eyes flashed gold and she … appeared."

Rose tipped her head to the side and then frowned. "I feel her, but she's not talking to me."

The Doctor sipped his tea in an effort to calm down. "Probably a good thing. You're still a bit fragile and she's probably afraid she'll cause more damage." The ship's lights kicked up a notch to acknowledge he was right and the Doctor patted the wall in thanks. "As soon as you rest up a bit I'm sure she'll start in again. She's terribly lonely I think and could use a friend to talk to."

Rose smiled at him and reached out to take his hand. "You are her best friend, Doctor. Maybe, if we work together, we can figure a way out so you can talk to her too. I mean, she's different now too, yeah? Maybe with a little tinkering we can make it work?"

The Doctor tugged on his ear in thought. "It's not impossible I suppose. I can telepathically communicate with you, we've established that, even if it does require a level of physical contact to maintain. You can communicate with the TARDIS. It might be possible to use your brainwaves as a basis for a translation unit of some kind." His brain started puzzling it out and a slow smile started to spread on his face. "Have I told you lately that you're a genus?"

"No, not this week." Rose smirked and poured herself another cup of tea. "You know, I think you might be right about this stuff. I'm feeling better."

"Not the tea," The Doctor admitted with regret. "Although never underestimate it. I also gave you about a dozen medications back there."

"Huh," Rose looked down at her hands. "And you got my hangnail. Nice."

They both laughed and Rose leaned back in her chair. "So, what's the rest of it then?" Her tone telling the Doctor that she was far more serious than she appeared. Rose had been hurt plenty of times in their adventures, she was use to waking up in the infirmary but something about the way the Doctor was behaving made her think there was more to it than what he'd quickly outlined.

"What do you mean?" The Doctor asked, faking confusion.

Rose frowned. "Your forehead's all scrunched. You do that when you're worried about something and trying not to frighten me. Did the baby get hurt or something?"

The Doctor quickly shook his head no. "Nothing like that, no. You've got some elevated hormone levels from the baby, a side-effect of the differences in biology I think. It's made you prone to clotting, possibly even stroke. We'll have to keep a good eye on it. I don't want to risk anything happening to you."

"I'm only a few months along." Rose shook her head. "I've got almost two years to go. That doesn't bode well. Did this happen to your mother?"

The Doctor sighed and fiddled with his cup. "I don't know. The books and records I have aren't complete. My father had her medical records, never released all of them to the scientists. He only allowed selective studies to be done, and then he controlled what was printed. I wouldn't be worried if we had access to the treatment facilities on...Gallifrey." He still stumbled whenever he had to mention his home world. Rose's gentle hand on his let him know she understood. "This...this wouldn't be happening, Rose, if my people were still alive. That's the irony. They are the only one's that could help and they wouldn't have allowed you to keep it anyway."

Rose frowned. "Why not? I mean, your parents had you didn't they and if there were studies done and things written about it they had to have approval, right?"

He cringed and couldn't quite make his eyes leave the table top. "My father was on his last regeneration when he met my mother. She...she should have died that day, Rose. He broke nearly a hundred of our laws and saved her life despite the time lines. He didn't love her then, he just admired her spirit. When the High Council found out what he had done, they made it his responsibility to care for her, to keep her from damaging any more time lines. She had to remain effectively dead on Earth and the only viable option was for her to stay with my father. They'd lived together as companions for several years before he finally married her. Their decision to have me was more to aggravate the Council than anything. Sometimes, when a Time Lord reaches his last regeneration, they get a little…unusual. Most of the Council chalked his behavior up to the Gallifreyan version of senility. They were extremely lucky that the High Council at the time was more forgiving of outsiders. The next Lord President wasn't so open minded. That's when all the rules about Time Lord conduct with 'lesser species' were developed and Gallifrey was closed to humans– with good reason I have to admit. What my parents did could have been disastrous, likely would have been if there weren't enough Time Lords around to fix the paradoxes and stop any major Time anomalies."

Rose's eyes were slightly misty. "Did they love each other, eventually?"

At that the Doctor couldn't help a small nostalgic grin. "Oh yes, Rose. I never doubted that. I think, I think he must have loved her from the first moment to do what he did no matter how much he denied it, but he was too proud to admit it even to himself. My people, well, we aren't very good at expressing positive emotion. His actions showed how he felt about her even when his words couldn't. Runs in the family." The Doctor smiled a tad sheepishly.

Rose snorted. "Yeah, that I can testify too." She smiled at him. "Tell me about them."

The Doctor hesitated and only spoke after Rose mumbled a quiet apology for asking. "No, it's alright, Rose. I...I think you deserve to know. Death's followed me even before I was born, I just don't like to think about it." He stood up from the table and held a hand out for her. "But not here. You need to get some rest and keep your legs elevated and the kitchen isn't the best place." Wordlessly she nodded and took his hand. He guided her through the halls and to his room, settling her on his bed with a mound of pillows before he picked up the wooden box and carefully opened it.

"Are you sure you aren't too tired? You've been through a lot." Rose glared at him and he sighed. He pulled out one of the worn photographs at random and handed it to Rose. "This is my mother. It was from before she met my father, before the camps."

"Camps?" Rose looked down at the photograph carefully and her eyes went large. "Is that...?"

"A yellow star?" The Doctor nodded. "It's hard to tell in a black and white photo, but that's what it is. My mother was about 17 in that photo. Her father took one of each member of the family and had copies made for them all in case they got separated and another set they hid in the basement of their house. Father went back, after we came to live on Earth when the High Council banished us, and dug them up for her. Her own copies were long gone. They lived just outside Lublin and the Nazi's had given the house to another family. Father had to sneak in when they were sleeping." The Doctor shivered slightly. "I try and avoid going to Earth during that time period. Our trip to London when we meet Jack was one of only a handful I've ever made.

"When the Nazi's came, my mother's family knew something bad was about to happen but they weren't able to hide. Mother was the only one to survive, and that wasn't supposed to be." The Doctor pulled out the rest of the photos his human grandfather had taken and handed them one by one to Rose, his mother's four sisters and two brothers along with her parents and grandparents, each one reduced to faded ink and half remembered stories. "Their names are on the backs. Mum made sure I knew them all, made me promise to remember them no matter how many centuries or regenerations I have. Maybe, someday, I'll pull out the record tapes I have of her stories. She was always better at telling a story than I was."

Rose's hand trembled slightly as she held the photographs. "Where?" Her voice cracked. "Where did they...?"

"My aunts and uncles went to Majdanek, along with my mother. Her grandparents both died of pneumonia before they made it to the camps. Her parent's weren't fit for work, so they never made it that far either. Records aren't exactly complete and I...I've never been able to go back to find out exactly what happened and I can't check the Time Line since it directly involves me – a Time Lord can only see lines that do not involve himself." His voice cracked again. "I never knew them, Rose, but the temptation to...I can't risk it." The Doctor's eyes flashing darkly at the words, his pain and guilt clear. "Most of them died from the forced labor, I think. By November 3, 1943, when my father showed up, my mother was the only one left alive. Father did check what happened to the others, but he would never tell us what he found out, only that they were gone and he didn't dare break the law and rescue them, the High Council would have executed him for interfering. I think he wanted to spare my mother the details, she's suffered enough already."

"Why does that date seem familiar?" Rose asked softly, her hand coming to rest gently on his knee.

"Over 18,000 Jews died that day, at Majdanek alone. Even the Time Lords never got an accurate number on how many died during the entire Aktion Erntefest, perhaps as many as 50,000 give or take hundreds if not thousands." The Doctor's face was somber, in what he knew was a dangerous look, one he usually saved for Daleks. "There are creatures, Rose, that feed on death and terror and hate. My father had been sent by the Council to track down a hive of them that had settled in Poland. They knew what was coming and had taken up residence at Majdanek, to feed off the hopelessness and fear of the prisoners. My father was supposed to exterminate the hive and leave. He wasn't supposed to tamper with history. Humans killing humans is outside the jurisdiction of the Time Lords." He cringed even as he said it. "The hive had traveled in time to reach that particular day, at that particular place, therefore we could stop them. If we hadn't, they would have altered the history, egging the Nazis on and causing even more deaths than what the time line called for. It was the old days, when the Time Lords still 'got involved' in policing Time. My father was one of the last to do those kinds of missions with the permission of the High Council. What I do, what we do, was considered illegal renegade action by the time I entered the Academy."

"And your father couldn't just watch it could he? He did get involved, more than he was supposed too." Rose asked gently. "He couldn't stand by and watch and do nothing."

The Doctor nodded slowly but sadly. "Rose, you have to understand. He...he couldn't stop it, no more than I can go back and change it. I wish...just as I wish I could bring back Gallifrey."

"But it would be wrong." Rose spoke quietly. "Just like I couldn't save my dad, only a thousand million times worse."

The Doctor smiled softly. "Being a Time Lord is to carry a heavy burden, Rose. We can watch history, but we can not change it. My father saved my mother because she fought back that day in the camp. She saw him and figured out that he wasn't another prisoner or another guard and she figured out that something was going on and she confronted him. She helped him destroy the hive and when he looked into her timeline he saw what would happen. He saw her die on a forced march and knew that..." The Doctor swallowed thickly. "He couldn't save them all, Rose, but he could save one- he could take one away and leave the time lines relatively intact. He knew when he did she'd never get to go home. He saw that the rest of her family was dead. There would be no one left to sift though records for traces of her, no one to know if she lived or died. So he took her. He just lifted her out of the camp and they left. Mother never quite got over her guilt. Not only had she lived, but she lived when she knew she should have died. Of all those people there, he'd saved only her. She never understood why she was special."

Rose watched him silently for a long time before she slowly handed back the small stack of photos and took the next bundle he held out. She took a deep breath and visibly tried to distance herself from the sadness the first pile had contained. A wide grin spread slowly and hesitantly across her face when she saw the first photo in the new bundle.

"Yes, that's me." The Doctor couldn't help but perk up when Rose's eyes lit with delight and he shook his head as if to clear it of the last vestiges of grief before a matching smile graced his face. "I was about 10 in that picture, we'd been on Earth for a little over a year." The photo was of a very young Doctor dressed in short trousers and carrying an enormous stack of books. His mother was laughing at him from a few steps behind, an equally large stack in her arms. "We'd gone to a bookstore for the first time and I went a little over board."

Rose chuckled. "Was it your birthday or something?"

The Doctor's grin faded slightly and he sat down on the bed next to Rose, the box of memories in his lap. "No. Father didn't believe in birthdays. We never celebrated any holidays either." Rose frowned and the Doctor shrugged. "Rose, it was a different culture- remember? Gallifrey didn't place the same kind of importance on time, for obvious reasons, so Earth style annual celebrations weren't really something we did. When we came to Earth I was able to watch and learn about all sorts of fantastic things – like parties and birthdays and Christmas…" The Doctor laughed again. "Mother always found my obsession with holiday's amusing. Of course I never _believed_ in any of it, but I loved the festivities so much. She'd take me out to every parade or carnival that would come along, no matter how much my father frowned on it. It didn't matter if it was a Christian holiday, a Jewish one, or one of the ethnic festivals that you see in different parts of London. We were there and I was taking notes."

Rose squinted down at the picture in thought. "You lived in England?"

"Yup. When the Time Lords got a little fussy about my mother and I and…suggested- strongly- that we leave, we ended up on Earth. Father set us down about 10 years after he'd picked my mother up and we made a little life for ourselves. Mum got a job, Father tinkered in his TARDIS, I read every book I could find in both the ship's library and any Earthly source nearby. We got along."

Rose leafed through more pictures, all showing a surprisingly similar child. In most of the pictures the Doctor was with his mother, usually building something or reading. He seemed to age slowly and as he did the grins got smaller and smaller till when she reached the end of the stack a rather stoic looking gangly teenager stared back at her.

"I was nearly 30 in that one." The Doctor pointed down. "Gallifreyans age slower than humans, even when living linearly. If you look at my mother you can get an idea how much time has passed between photos."

"Where's your dad in these?" Rose asked softly, thumbing back through and not finding any pictures she could reasonably assume was the Doctor's father.

The Doctor sighed and pulled the last photo out of the box, a small perfectly square photograph of a scowling older gentleman in what looked to be a three piece suit. "That would be him."

Rose squinted down at the picture, her nose bunched up in apparent distaste. The Doctor let out a very childlike giggle. "My sentiments exactly. We never did get along. He wasn't sure what to make of me; I wasn't as stoic as a Gallifreyan but I clearly wasn't human either. When I was old enough I wanted to apply to the Academy and he only reluctantly helped me. They had kicked us off world after all, he doubted they'd let me in. No one expected that I'd have as highly developed a Time Sense as I had and they really didn't expect me to learn as quickly as I did either.

"I'd failed a test in my youth, before they'd exiled us, so they had their reasons for thinking it I suppose. To this day I wonder if my running away from the Untempered Schism was what caused the Lord President and the High Council to ban humans from Gallifrey and exile the lot of us. Of course, by the time I applied to Prydon Academy there was a new Lord President who was more inclined to listen to us. I was in the last batch of natural born children ever made and I was aging oddly for a Gallifreyan. It wasn't till after my first regeneration that the Council realized I was for all intensive purposes a true Gallifreyan and that the human components in my DNA were being overwritten. I think they had been humoring me up until that point believing I was a freakish anomaly that would burn itself out soon enough. Father was one of the oldest and most traveled of the lot, should have been on the Council if it wasn't for me and my mother, so rather than having to deal with the repercussions of refusing his only son they let me in expecting I'd disappoint. Miserable time really. My only friend from back then, well, let's just say he went a little mad during the same test that I failed. By the time we met up again at the Academy he was- evil I suppose. I don't really want to admit that, but truthfully, I think even back then he was power hungry and scheming. We both went renegade, but I chose to protect and him to profit."

Rose nodded slowly, still staring at the picture of the Doctor's father. "What were their names? I mean, they had them didn't they?"

The Doctor chuckled. "Mother's name was Elzbieta. When we came back to Earth she went by Elizabeth to simplify things. My father, well… Rose, when a Time Lord goes renegade we lose our names."

Rose frowned. "So that's why you go by Doctor? But I thought your real name was Theta?"

"It is, or was, or sort of." The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. "Theta Sigma, or Thete was a nickname I had at the Academy. It's the only name I have now, other than Doctor. Gallifreyans are generally given a formal name for public use when they are around 8 years old, after they are tested at the Schism. Our private name is only used by direct family members. I ran away, so I missed the public naming ceremony. Big on ceremonies, that lot. I couldn't re-do the ceremony, it can only happen once, so I never got a public name. Wouldn't have mattered, though, since I went renegade I would have lost it even if they'd given it to me."

"So what did they call you growing up?" Rose frowned. "I mean, I can't see your mum yelling 'Doctor, come get your dinner' out the door every day."

The Doctor looked insulted. "My mother never yelled out a door in her life, Rose. She was very cultured I'd have you know – very proper lady. She made Father come find me." Rose snorted and the Doctor shrugged. "Mum wasn't allowed to use my private name in public, and I never got a public one, so she usually just called me 'little one'. Father finally got tired of people asking what my name was when we moved to Earth so he's the one that started calling me Theta. Mum loved it and so when I went back to go to the Academy I took it with me. When I stole the TARDIS the High Council ruled that even though it wasn't officially my name I could no longer use it. None of the Time Lords would acknowledge it, so I had to choose a new identify. The Doctor seemed to fit. I loved to learn, collected knowledge and took classes all over the universe in different times and places - made a hobby of it back in my first regeneration. I wanted to help people, fix problems, that sort of thing. And it fit with what the other renegades used for names and it… just worked."

Rose rolled her eyes. "The lot of you were nuts, you know that? So if you're the Doctor what was your father's new name then?"

"The Arbiter. He'd spent most of his life doing something similar to what we do, only he was more interested in diplomacy over what he'd see as our heavy handed techniques. Of course, that name didn't work so well on Earth. We took mum's last name and everyone just called him Mr. Berkowicz. He didn't socialize, so we never really gave him a fake first name."

"You've got to be kidding me. Your name is Berkowicz, Theta Berkowicz?" Rose clutched her side she was laughing so hard. "Here we are, calling you John Smith, and you're POLISH!"

The Doctor crossed his arms and glared. "There is nothing wrong with being Polish. But for the record, I'm not POLISH. I'm Gallifreyan."

"I'm in a space ship with a polish alien. No wonder we never land where we want to." Rose snorted she was laughing so hard.

"Oy! That's just not right, Rose. No Polish jokes. You humans, when are you going to get over that? I mean, I know charging machine guns on horses wasn't the brightest move, but it was all they had! Doesn't that show a level of bravery not stupidity?"

Rose raised an eyebrow in question. "What are you talking about?"

"The origin of stupid Polish jokes…WWI? " The Doctor trailed off. "Oh never mind. The point is, I'm not Polish. I've never even lived in Poland. My _mother_ was Polish and Jewish. The fact that my father had two hearts, was born and raised in a different galaxy, and was in fact an ALIEN supersedes those facts. I'd have to be human before I could be any nationality."

"Well, you were raised in England and tend to hang around it quite a lot. So technically you _are_ English…" Rose smirked as the Doctor growled. "Alright, alright, you're an English, half-Polish, half-Jewish, half-alien… doctor." She snorted as the Doctor threw a pillow at her.

"Here I am, opening up all my secrets to you and you pick on me. You are the first living person I've ever told this too and this is how you react?" The Doctor frowned. "Fine then, no more story time with the Doctor."

"No, no, I'll be good. I promise. " Rose tried to look innocent. "So, you grew up in 1950's England? That explains why you knew how to ride that motor bike. So why were you so keen on the coronation then, if you'd already been there?"

The Doctor smiled. "We set down in 1957, Rose. I missed the good stuff."

She frowned. "So, we could have gone and visited your mum then, if we'd only tweaked a little dial? We were only a few years off?"

The Doctor's head dipped a bit. "During my Academy days I visited mum on Gallifrey, before they'd sent us off-that's how I kept meeting myself-, but I could never tell her anything important. I'd just pop in and grab a biscuit and tell her life was grand- pat myself on the head, that sort of thing. I wasn't allowed to go back to Earth and I couldn't tell her they were about to exile us. It was part of the deal my father made to get me into the Academy. I'm not allowed to go back and disrupt the Time Line surrounding my parents."

"Alright," Rose said slowly. "They made a rule, to punish you and your family it sounds like. Now they're all gone. Can't you go back and see her now? Nobody to stop you, yeah?"

"She isn't there." The Doctor ran a hand through his hair, his anger and guilt making his eyes flash. "The Time War, Rose. In a blink all things Gallifreyan, except me and things directly associated to me, gone. My father, my granddaughter, gone. Neither showed up when the final call was made so they were likely dead before they would have disappeared anyway."

"Time ship." Rose thumped the wall. "Explain, slowly, why your _human_ mother wouldn't be on Earth in 1957 when you grew up. You're still here, so your parent's can't have winked out entirely since they are _directly associated_ to you. They are still in _your _time line right? Or you wouldn't exist. I mean, earlier you's are out there somewhere, with earlier companions. You still remember the Time Lady you traveled with, so theoretically, as long as we go back to some point in your time line and cross it…"

"Too dangerous. I can't risk crossing time lines, not without the other Time Lords to help repair any breaches. I can't violate the First Law of Time just to visit my mother, or Romana, Rose. That would be the height of selfishness. Start down that path and I could end up no better than the Master. "

"What's it take then? To make it worth it?" Rose asked softly, moving to hug the Doctor with one arm. "Listen to me first, Doctor, before you say it's impossible. Your father never answered the call, neither did your granddaughter. You assume they are dead, one way or the other. But the fact is, they didn't go. Whatever you do, so long as you don't change that fact, is relatively safe. They can't change what happened to Gallifrey because they weren't there. You can't _save_ them from the destruction because they _weren't there_. Your father was on his last regeneration, for all intensive purposes he might as well have been human by the time you were born. Maybe that fact altered the effect the Time War had on him. I mean, if they didn't exist in Gallifrey's time line when Gallifrey was ripped out of time, wouldn't the effect have passed over him and your mother?"

The Doctor sighed. "Time doesn't work like that, Rose. It's… Gallifrey was different."

Rose frowned. "Still, if you when back to Earth in the time period between when you were exiled and when you left for the Academy your parents would be there. It doesn't help with Susan, since you never spent time with her after she left you, but it means-theoretically- it would be possible to see your parents. And they would be none the wiser about anything that has to do with the Time War unless you _tell them_."

The Doctor stood up quickly, nearly knocking Rose off the bed. "What good would it do? I can't save them, Rose."

"You don't need to." Rose's voice was soft and the Doctor whirled around to look at her. Her eyes were somewhat moist and she reached slowly for the box of pictures holding it out to him before she continued speaking. "They are living linearly, Doctor. One place, one time. You are not. You don't have to save them because they will die naturally in their own time- as they should. You can see them whenever you want so long as you space your visits out in _their_ time. Land the TARDIS when kid-you would be out of the house, spend the afternoon there. You can leave and come back in 100 years your time but the next day in theirs. You don't' have to _save_ them to spend time with them. Just like when we used to visit my mother or when you visited your son Gallifrey before. We could have been gone any length of time to us and only minutes to her, if we'd done it right. And you can do it right, Doctor. I've seen it."

"Takes six to pilot the TARDIS that accurately." He took the box and hugged it close to his chest. "Maybe…" The Doctor closed his eyes as if in pain. "Maybe, if we did go, I could find out more about what my mother went through; get the records father never released. It might make this safer you." He slowly opened his eyes. "It's an excuse."

"It's a good one." Rose stood up slowly off the bed, a little dizzy from the medications still in her system. "Let me get some sleep and you can think about it. I realize seeing them again would be a big shock to you. I can't imagine what it would take for you to admit what's happened to your father, although you two are probably more alike than you realize." She pointed down at her stomach and shrugged. "I get the fact that this is damn near taboo for your people, although he'd be a pretty big hypocrite to call you out on it."

"Hypocrisy thy name is Gallifrey." The Doctor quipped and set the box down to help Rose back to her room. He got her into tucked into bed and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. "We are different, Rose. I…I still can't break some rules. I just can't…It's all that I've got left…." He couldn't finish.

Rose reached a hand up to cup his cheek and smiled at. "I know. We die and leave you and you can't stand it now, as just friends. It would be unbearable if we were more."

The Doctor nodded. "I've lost too much, Rose. I can't have you and lose you too."

Rose dropped her hand and turned away from him to the face the wall. Her quiet voice stopped him just as his foot passed the threshold on the way out. "But you will, Doctor. Someday, you will lose me. I know you think it will hurt less, this way. I'm not so sure it will."

The Doctor pulled the door shut on the room and silently headed for the library. Rose had given him enough to think about, too much perhaps. Did he dare? Did he dare do any of it?

His steps faltered. He had to go back, for Rose. It wasn't an excuse. Her life could be in danger, and their child's. He…

For her he'd always have to dare.


	9. Intermezzo

He'd dare for her all right, but he just wasn't sure how to go about actually _doing_ it. The TARDIS had pulled Rose back from the other universe, used the heon and some fancy calculations plus an incredible amount of energy and made it happen. As difficult as that was, in comparison to what he was currently planning, it was simple. Brawn over brains that. This…this was brains over the laws of universal constants, time fluxes, physics, and common sense.

Rose was partially right. It was theoretically possible that both his parents were still in existence, despite the Time War. What complicated matters was that the Doctor knew his mother, and his father. Historically neither had been all that good with hiding the future from him. During his early childhood his parents had known, instinctively, that something bad had happened between their "current" timeline and the one a slightly older Theta was experiencing at Prydon Academy. They didn't know what, but they knew something bad was going to happen to them and their little boy between what they were currently experiencing and what the older version of their son had lived – had lived and was forbidden to discuss during his brief visits to them in their timeline. Their worry had translated into a confusing childhood for the Doctor.

Maybe it was that worry, that knowledge that something was coming, that had kept his mother so calm when the guards had forced their door open the morning they were exiled. Maybe it was the fact that she'd already survived one such brutal removal that kept her head high as they were forced to pack everything they owned. Maybe it was the knowledge that somehow their little one still made it to Prydon that kept his mother and father from putting up more of a fight when the Tribunal sentenced them. Whatever it was, they'd left Gallifrey and gone to Earth and the Doctor had finally found out what had been hanging over their heads- what the older version of himself had been forbidden to warn them about.

If he went back to the time between exile and his leaving for Prydon, as Rose suggested, even if he avoided meeting his younger self his parents would see his eyes. They would see the dark depths of self loathing, despair, and hate that he'd sunk too. They'd see the pain and the fear and the loss and while they both knew enough not to ask it would not matter. His younger self would skip home oblivious and happy only to open the door and find his parents despondent.

That hadn't happened so it couldn't happen. So they couldn't go back during those years.

The second option was to visit after his younger self would have left for the Academy and hope that the Time War had somehow missed his parents. He'd been on Earth during that time in his third and fourth regenerations, but he'd never risked contacting his parent's and upsetting the Council even further. He'd have to avoid getting distracted by any of his younger self's doings with the Brigadier and avoid the occasional UNIT personnel he'd sent to covertly check on them…

He'd only done it twice, sent a UNIT underling out to spy. Both had been in the early 1970's.

The Doctor stared hard at the time rotor. His hand trailed lightly over the controls and he sighed. "What about it old girl? Can we do this? Can you set us down so UNIT doesn't notice?" The lights hummed and the ship seemed to shiver under his hands. "For Rose?"

He tweaked a dial and the hum got a little louder. With a silent prayer to whatever might be listening his pulled the lever and changed their course in the vortex.

When Rose woke and walked into the console room she found the Doctor was still staring at the glowing central column, a frown on his face.

He turned towards her when he felt her presence and waved her to sit on the jump seat. "I've set course." She didn't ask for where, just nodded at him, and the Doctor sighed heavily. "I don't know what to expect."

"Then don't expect anything. We'll just handle it as it happens." Rose smiled at him and patted the seat next to her, scooting over to make room for him. "So how long?"

"Another couple of hours. I don't want to risk tiring the TARDIS in case we run into some temporal problems with everything else we're risking so I'm having her take it slow." The Doctor grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Before we get there I'd like to talk to you."

"We've been doing that a lot lately, not that I mind." Rose yawned and stood up, still holding the Doctor's hand. "I'm up for a talk if we can get a little tea first. I'd ask for coffee but I think I read somewhere that I should be avoiding it."

The Doctor smiled and swung their hands between them as they walked towards the kitchen. "For a human pregnancy, yes. Doesn't much matter with this one I don't think. Just avoid aspirin at all costs."

"Yes, sir." Rose smirked and let go of his hand to get the whistling tea kettle off the stove. "Thanks, girl." She patted the wall and poured the water into the pot that was already blessed with leaves. "All right, what's going on?"

The Doctor sipped his tea and outlined his plan for setting down in the late 1970's. His younger self would have left for the Academy and hopefully the UNIT personal his third and fourth selves had sent would have also come and gone. When he finished he caught Rose's eyes and grinned. "So, that's the majority of it then."

Rose nodded than eyed him critically. "You want something from me. I can tell. What is it?"

The Doctor tried to look shocked than crumpled a bit in his seat. "You are starting to know me a little too well Rose Tyler." She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "I just…I think you should know my name before you meet them is all."

Rose's forehead scrunched. "Didn't we go over this, Doctor? The whole Theta Sigma no-public-name story?"

"Right." The Doctor nodded. "We did. But I still have a private name. You should know it, considering."

Rose smiled at him and stood up and put their dirty cups in the sink. "So what is it?"

"I can't tell you." The Doctor frowned and shook his head at the look on her face. "What I mean is, I can't _say_ it. I have to…" he tapped his temple meaningfully.

"Oh." Rose sat back down heavily. "It's nonverbal?" He nodded and Rose sighed. "Have at it then."

The Doctor leaned forward and placed two fingers gently on her temple. He didn't enter her mind, just brushed against it. The contact made them both shiver and the Doctor had to clear his throat. Once he'd settled into a mental cuddle he sent the thought of his name to her.

Rose shivered as his name washed over her. It felt more than sounded, like a breeze through leaves, a rustle inside her mind soft and natural and tinkling and feeling quietly like hope.

The Doctor smiled at her as he removed his hand. "Our private names are like a feeling, a set of images combined and impressions gathered. My mother made it and father agreed."

"It's beautiful." Rose's voice cracked. "It's…"

"Impossible to translate." The Doctor grabbed up his tea and took a healthy swig. "Right. You should grab a little rest. I'll wake you when we land."

Rose nodded and gently patted his arm. "Alright, but I want you to come with me."

The Doctor started. "Rose, I…"

She shook her head. "No, you don't have to monitor things. What you have to do is rest, and if I send you to bed on your own you'll end up tearing something apart and rebuilding it. If you're with me you won't risk waking me up to crawl off."

The Doctor sighed. "You really have gotten to know me too well."

Rose snorted. "You were just in my head. Consider it a side effect." She stood up and held out her hand. "Come on, Time Lord. Time's wasting."


	10. Homecomings

The Doctor didn't know what to expect when the TARDIS landed. All the monitors were clear. His parent's TARDIS was still disguised as a quaint little house, complete with shutters and window boxes. Theoretically it should be 1978 outside – a nice quiet year if memory served. It was a lovely spring afternoon by the looks of it. Petunias were just starting to fill out in the boxes, grass was all green and in need of a good clipping, a half put together whatnot was in the middle of the yard…in other words, it looked like home.

Domestic. It was terribly, horribly, awfully, domestic.

The Doctor took a deep breath and looked at Rose. She was dressed for the time period in a simple buttoned frock, perhaps a little old fashioned for the 1970's on Earth, but a good serviceable piece with sensible shoes. Time was when Rose would have never walked out of the TARDIS in something that plain, but enough running-for-your-life adventures and she'd figured out flat shoes and sturdy cloth was more important than a bit of glam. Sometimes he missed his pink and yellow jeopardy friendly companion, the child Rose had been.

Rose broke through his nostalgia and smiled at him, waggling her fingers in invitation. His hand was in hers before he consciously made the decision to move and she squeezed his hand tightly. "Allons-y?" she asked softly and he nodded.

The TARDIS door opened and Rose looked around wide-eyed, shaking her head in disbelief. "Normal. It's all _normal_."

"Except for the half destroyed Lakertyan toaster oven in the yard." The Doctor answered a little self-consciously. "That's been there since I was 12. Mother decided to use it for a planter."

Rose smirked. "Yeah, like I said, _normal_." She squeezed his hand again. "So, do we knock?"

"I don't know." The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "I suppose so. I mean, it has been a millennia since I lived here. Might be a bit impolite to just walk in. Of course, mother doesn't know it's been a millennia…"

Rose shook her head and pulled him to the back door where she rapped twice.

An older woman came to the door with a dish towel and plate in hand, looking a little confused. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in whatever it is you're selling and how ever did you get in my back yard…" She trailed off suddenly, her eyes going large as she caught sight of the Doctor and the TARDIS standing behind him. It took a moment for her to make the connection and recognize the faint hint of TARDIS travel on the air. The dish fell from her hands and smashed against the tile. "Theta?"

"Hello mum." The Doctor said softly. "Sorry I didn't call ahead but…"

The door banged open as the woman launched herself at her son, nearly knocking the Doctor to the ground as she hugged him. "wmwedee hodmek…." The Doctor's voice was muffled and unintelligible as he tried to speak from where his face was buried in his mother's graying hair. "newefg."

"You're home!" Elizabeth Berkowicz cried as she finally let go of the Doctor. "How in the world did you get them to change their minds!"

The Doctor pulled back and looked rather guilty and his mother's face clouded. "Theta, you didn't break the rules to see us did you? I don't know what they'll do to you…"

"They can't do anything to me, mother. It's…let's just say that in my timeline things are…less complicated when it comes to the Time Lords." The Doctor smiled sadly. "May we come in? I really need to talk to you and father if he's here."

Elizabeth snorted. "Where else would the lay about be? He's tinkering with some worthless scrap he found out by the river. I mean really. 'Stay undercover, Elizabeth. We can't be seen, Elizabeth. No alien technology, Elizabeth.' All that and he's building some inter-dimensional whatnot."

Rose chuckled. She took an instant liking to the older woman.

For her part, Elizabeth held the door open and eyed Rose critically as they moved into the kitchen. "Theta, you haven't introduced me to the young lady."

The Doctor again looked guilty and his mother raised her eyebrow in question.

He cleared his throat. "This is Rose Tyler, my companion. Rose Tyler, this is my mother, Elizabeth Berkowicz."

"Please to meet you, Mrs. Berkowicz." Rose held her hand out and Elizabeth took it slowly. "I've heard so much about you."

Elizabeth eyed Rose suspiciously. "Call me Elizabeth. Exactly when did you hear about me?"

Rose bit her tongue to keep from laughing at what was obviously a test. "Oh, hard to tell in the Vortex. I'd say he fessed up about a week ago." She turned to look at the Doctor. "What do you say, Doctor? Was it a week ago my time or more like a month?"

The Doctor turned red and made a noncommittal sound. Elizabeth relaxed instantly. "So you're a Time Lady? You don't have the look about you."

Rose sighed. "That would be because I'm not. It's a rather long story; most are when it concerns him."

"It should have to be." A deep male voice answered from behind.

Rose turned and found a stern gentleman standing in the inner doorway, his arms crossed and a sour expression on his face. "Theta, what is the meaning of this?"

The Doctor's hands found themselves firmly lodged in his trouser pockets while he rocked back on his heels in what Rose knew was false bravado. "Hello father. I wasn't sure I should expect you." The Doctor's eyes hardened. "Did you happen to miss a _call_ lately?"


	11. Confrontation

The Arbiter glared at his son for a long moment before the older Time Lord deflated and sat down heavily at the table. "Thank Rassilon." He passed a hand over his eyes and took a deep steadying breath. "You survived."

The Doctor eyed him critically. "I could say the same to you. I half expected to show up and find an empty lot."

Elizabeth's gaze flickered between the two men. "Survived? What are you two talking about?"

"War." They both answered simultaneously and Elizabeth went pale.

"What war?" She asked, her hands clenching her dish towel tighter.

Rose laid a gentle hand on her arm. "The Time War, Elizabeth. It's the reason why we can be here without the Doctor having to worry about what the other Time Lords might do."

Elizabeth moved closer to her son and took a shaky breath. "Is that why you've regenerated? What happened? Did Gallifrey change rulers…the Council disband?"

The Doctor closed his eyes in pain. "No." He opened them to look hard at his father. "You did not answer the call."

The Arbiter sniffed. "After what those robed imbeciles did to me, to you? You think I would have answered their call and run off to some nonsensical war after that? I was against you going to the Academy in the first place. I wasn't about to help you defend them against something I'm sure their own stupidity got them into. I assume they didn't take my absence well. They cut off all links; I can't even feel them anymore. But I never expected them to send you to chastise me. Walking the straight and narrow, Theta? Playing along with them are you?"

The Doctor stood up from the table abruptly and started to pace, running his hand through his hair in agitation. "I can't…" he turned desperate eyes to Rose. "I can't…"

Rose nodded in understanding. "It's alright, Doctor. Why don't you make sure the TARDIS is alright, it's been a while since she's been this close to another of her kind, and I'll bring them up to speed, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded gratefully. "He knows about the call, Rose, so it's safe…to tell…whatever you want… about…" The Doctor didn't finish the sentence, instead turning on his heel and heading for the door. Some topics were still too difficult for him to discuss.

Elizabeth sat down next to her husband and they both eyed Rose with open suspicion.

"Hello." Rose gave a little wave and her voice cracked. "I suppose you want to know exactly what happened."

"He was ordered never to return." The Arbiter put a calming hand on his wife's where it lay on the table. "If they did not send him, the Council will likely exile him for this. I did not prostrate myself, lower myself to _begging_, to get him entry to that bloody academy only to have him banned from Gallifrey for something as sentimental as Sunday tea."

Rose shook her head. "It's a little late to ban him, I'm afraid. You see, there is no Gallifrey."

The Arbiter sat up straight in alarm. "What are you talking about girl?"

Rose sighed and pulled out a third chair and sat down. "The War, the call you didn't answer. They aren't mad at you, Arbiter. They lost. They were ripped from time. The Doctor is the last Time Lord." Rose cocked her head to the side in thought. "Except that you make another one don't you? How's that work then?"

The Arbiter waved his hand dismissively. "I'm on my last regeneration. I'm stuck in a single timeline with a nearly dead TARDIS. Effectively I'm not a Time Lord anymore – my existence is finite, linear." He shook his head in disbelief. "How could we have lost? We have more technology and a vastly superior intellect greater than any known species in the multiverse."

Rose closed her eyes. "You don't want to know. I…saw the things that did it. I've fought them on and off for years. They only live to destroy. The Doctor and the Council made the choice to sacrifice Gallifrey to keep the Daleks from gaining control of the Eye…and other things I'm sure you know more about than I do. They thought…they'd hoped, that by destroying themselves they would take all the Daleks with them. The Doctor survived by accident. He's been wandering the universe since- alone."

"The last…" Elizabeth's eyes teared up. "Theta, all alone? I'd always hoped he'd find peace on Gallifrey, at the Academy. He used to visit when we lived on Gallifrey…he'd look sad but I thought he'd grow into being a Time Lord. When we were exiled and then the council made their ruling about not visiting us on Earth I assumed that was why he was always so melancholy when he visited us on Gallifrey…He couldn't warn us." She started crying harder then, the dish towel clutched to her mouth to stifle the sound.

The Arbiter shook his head. "How could you, a human girl, fight these things if they destroyed Gallifrey?"

Rose sighed. "I was with him. It's sort of goes with the territory when you're traveling with the Doctor. We think…mind you we've been wrong before…but I don't think they're a threat anymore. At least I pray to God they aren't. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take. They've taken everything from him. He goes a little mad whenever the subject even comes up. He can't talk about the war. It's…still too painful. It was worse before his last regeneration."

Elizabeth wiped her eyes. "How long? How long has it been for him?"

Rose bit her lip. "I don't honestly know. I think I started to travel with him pretty soon after the war. Of course, soon after for him might not mean the same thing it does to me. I traveled with him for a little over a year to my perspective, two if you count how long I was gone on Earth, before he regenerated. But I can't be sure how long it was for him. He'd drop me off to see me mum every once in a while and he'd pop off for a bit and come back." Rose sighed. "Then, well, we had a little trouble with the Daleks at Canary Warf and I got trapped in an alternative universe. I have no idea how long it took him to figure out a way to bring me back. It was a couple years my time but I have a feeling it was considerably longer for him, maybe a decade or two. He won't say. I don't know how long I've been back. My family, what's left of it, is on the other side of the Void and officially I died during the Dalek attack, so there's no one to go back and see. I haven't bothered to keep track." Rose shrugged.

The Arbiter frowned. "You've been with him through a regeneration?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah. Nasty one. Of course, by the sound of it his are never easy."

Elizabeth rung her towel tightly. "How many?"

"Nine." The Doctor answered from behind, coming back into the kitchen. His voice was hard again, more like his old leather clad self's, and Rose could see the strain in his eyes. "Nine regenerations, tenth body."

The Arbiter's frown deepened. "Has it been that long for you?"

"No." The Doctor sighed and pulled the last empty chair up to the table. "I'm afraid that circumstances have transpired to cause me to go through them somewhat rapidly. I'd say I'm a around 1,200, give or take a century. The Time war had some interesting side effects and I'm afraid I lost track along the way. The TARDIS could likely figure it out, but I haven't bothered."

Elizabeth gasped and clutched her husband's hand. "Theta, you're too young for so many…"

The Doctor reached for his mother's hand and covered it with his own. "I don't regret them, mother. They were necessary." He pried the towel out of her hand and whipped her tears with it.

His father snorted. "The Doctor. Is that what you are going by? You went renegade?"

Rose couldn't help but let out her own snort. "Went? I'd have bet anything he was born that way. He's a natural nonconformist if I ever saw one."

"I'm not sure if I should take offense or not." The Doctor sat up straight and stuck his chin out. "I'll have you know, Rose Tyler, I wasn't a non-conformist until I was nearly 180."

"Right." Rose crossed her arms and glared at him. "How about I just go ask the old girl out back, hum? Sure she can verify your story?"

The Doctor slumped in his seat. "Rose," he whined. "Please, let me retain some dignity."

Rose chortled. "Dignity. Alright Mr. Oncoming Storm. Dignify yourself out of this one." Rose pointed over her shoulder.

The Doctor turned to look where she was pointing to find both his parent's watching them with matching looks of confusion. "Sorry." He tugged on his ear and scrunched his nose. "I tend to get a little carried away in this body."

"Got a great gab this one." Rose agreed. "Rather contagious if you don't watch it. Talks himself out of the worst situations. There was this one time we were trying to stop an invasion of living Pez dispensers…"

"ROSE!" The Doctor cut her off, his ears turning red. "Now is not the time."

"But I never get to talk about this stuff now that Mickey and mum are over there." Rose sighed and slumped in her chair in a decidingly non-lady like fashion. "Not like I can call an old friend up and say, 'by the way, I'm not dead. And you really need to try the crab cakes I just got. I know their purple but…'." Rose shut her mouth at the Doctor's look.

"You went renegade. Gallifrey is gone." The Arbiter said again. "And you take talkative humans for companions."

"Not always." The Doctor clarified. "I've traveled with quite a few species over the years but more often than not I end up with a human. They tend to cause a rather large amount of trouble and fall into the TARDIS."

"We are the universe's best hitchhikers." Rose added cheerfully.

The Doctor laughed. "Yes, there is that."

Elizabeth glanced at Rose than back at her son. "You're more than companions." She scrutinized Rose even harder making the girl squirm in her chair. "The way you interact, you've been together a long time."

"We have."The Doctor agreed, all mirth gone. "Rose is my best friend, has been for longer than she knows." The Arbiter's look darkened and the Doctor shook his head. "No, it's not like that, father. I do obey that rule. I haven't messed about in her timeline. But Rose and I are in a spot of trouble and we could use your help."

"What kind of trouble?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm pregnant." Rose answered softly. "An accident I guess you could call it."

"An accident!" The Arbiter was up and pacing the room, his chair falling over to crash onto the floor. "That can be no accident." He glared at his son. "You just said it 'wasn't like that'!"

The Doctor stood up and glared nose to nose with his father. "It isn't. It wasn't me…exactly." He deflated a bit and backed up till he was close enough Rose could take his hand. He smiled down at her for a moment before clearing his throat. "There's a nasty power struggle going on now that there aren't enough Time Lords to keep everyone in check. One of the species trying to gain the upper hand was after some tech that happened to be in a state of temporal grace when the…final battle happened. The TARDIS registered a distress signal of Gallifreyan origin and I'd thought…"

The Doctor trailed off and Rose stood up and picked up the explanation. "We thought it might be another survivor. When we found the outpost we realized it was an automated sequence that had been tripped by someone looking to steal the technology the other Time Lords had left behind when they answered the Call. Instead of a survivor we walked into a trap, a rather sophisticated one. He wanted to force the Doctor to give him access to more tech but he knew he couldn't make him talk against his will. So he trapped the Doctor in his own mind and tried to…he…" It was Rose's turn to trail off.

The Doctor squeezed her hand once and let it go before he walked away to stare out the window at the TARDIS parked in the yard. "He couldn't break into my mind, only confuse me. But he got far enough in to Rose's to see my greatest fear. He thought that if he could make me hurt Rose, I'd give up. I'd stop fighting and let him have what he wanted in return for his swiftly ending my existence."

Rose snorted. "Wasn't too bright that one. He wasn't the first telepathic nut case I've run into. I wasn't about to blame the Doctor for something he wasn't really doing, especially not with that psychopath _telling _me that was the plan. So instead of making the Doctor give up he…made me angry enough that…well…"

The Doctor smirked and bounced a bit on heels. "She pushed him out of her head hard enough she knocked him out of mine too. Once I realized what he'd done while in control of my body we…" He lost his smirk. "We came here."

Rose nodded. "There just wasn't enough information made public about…you two. There's some problematic test results that have the Doctor worried and I suggested we risk contacting you."

The Doctor sat back down and gestured for Rose to do so as well. "I was uncomfortable risking the time lines until now. When you didn't answer the call during the war, I assumed you were dead in my timeline." The Doctor sighed. "And I didn't want to come back here and find that mother didn't recognize me or that she'd winked out of existence along with everything else."

The Arbiter snorted. "When I got the call I powered up the TARDIS as much as I could without risking detection and locked us in the zero room. I figured whatever happened we'd be safe from the temporal distortions in there."

"Didn't let us out for a week." Elizabeth added. "That must have kept us both from…winking out."

"State of temporal grace." The Doctor, the Arbiter, and Rose all stated at once. The Arbiter glared at Rose again.

"You, young lady, know far too much about us."

Rose's eyes narrowed. "I live on what is evidently the last fully functional TARDIS. I travel with the last Time Lord. I've saved the universe, multiple universes, quite a few times – with and without the Doctor. Do not presume to know me or what I should or should not know. Things have changed. There aren't enough Time Lords to do the job alone, renegade or authorized. The Doctor has had to accept help where he can find it. Defending Earth has even become more than one man can handle. Reality is, without people like me the universes would have collapsed after the War."

The Doctor smirked. "I do train the best."

Elizabeth crossed her arms and gave her son a withering look. "Is that your people that keep watching us from across the street then? They've been at it for years."

The Doctor looked somewhat sheepish. "That would be UNIT. I asked them to keep an eye on you back before the Time War. Good people UNIT. If you tell them you're with the Doctor they'll help you but don't ever let them take you to me. That was a half dozen regenerations ago."

Rose shook her head. "We should check it out. It might be Torchwood. If they are investigating your parents it could mean trouble. We know they watched UNIT personal closely during the 70's."

"Torchwood?" The Arbiter asked crossly. "You have something to do with that group of upstarts?"

Rose and the Doctor exchanged a look.

Elizabeth sighed. "You're "the Doctor", the one they are after, aren't you? I thought you might be when she said your name."

The Doctor looked at his parents in alarm. "You've been in contact with Torchwood?"

The Arbiter snorted. "Not willingly. They stopped by to question us once. They didn't know enough to figure out the truth. They thought we'd been travel companions of yours. I let them think it and eventually they swaned off. We weren't interesting enough and Elizabeth's human so they didn't care. They didn't get close enough to examine me or we might have had problems."

Elizabeth started ringing her dish towel again as she eyed her son. "Are you really back, Theta? For good? You're not going to leave again are you? I'm not sure I could bare it."


End file.
